Why I still regret not having had that conversation

I’ve discovered that one of the things that happens when I’m in the process of learning something new is that it also brings back memories.

This one is about the time when I was literally caught in a bitter conflict with my parents.

I was 32 years old and had been married 11 years. You’d think by then I’d be my own woman, confidently making my own choices and being clear about how I wanted to live my life.  But, as we all know, life is never that simple.

Read moreWhy I still regret not having had that conversation

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 7)

Last week, in Part 6, I talked the importance of being good to yourself and why, according to Rick Hanson in ‘The Buddha Brain’, this is such an important way to reprogram your brain.

In this last post of the series, I want to explore what it means to assert yourself which is another way of being good to yourself.

What does it look like when you’re asserting yourself and what role does it play in reprogramming your brain?

To truly assert yourself you need to come from a place of virtue which simply means from a place where your intention is to do no harm.

When you make ‘doing no harm’ your intention (see Part 5, intentions and perseverance), it becomes a way of relating not only to others whoever they may be – partner, children, family, friends or work colleagues but doing no harm to yourself either.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 7)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 6)

Last week, in Part 5, I talked about two things, both of which go hand in hand:

  1. Intentions
  2. Perseverance

But there is something else which is equally important.

Reprogramming your brain also involves keeping your emotional engine topped up.

This is something I mentioned many times in the past but always in the context of nourishing yourself and keeping your emotional engine topped up to enable you to continue to give with an open heart.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 6)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 5)

Last week, in Part 4, I explained what stops you from moving forward and from making small changes even when you know you would be happier and more fulfilled if you did.

Resistance to change is a powerful obstacle but, whichever type of resistance I described last week you fall into, the suggestions I offered will maximise your chances of succeeding in your efforts.

Building on last week’s blog this week I would like to explore two things, both of which go hand in hand:

    1. Intentions
    2. Perseverance

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 5)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 4)

Last week, in Part 3, I described in detail how I made emotional experiences from potentially fleeting positive facts and the significant health and emotional benefits that this approach brings.

As obvious as these ideas may sound, there’s a huge obstacle to overcome

Resistance to change!

I bet you’re expecting me to say that you have to wrestle with it, overcome it one way or another!

If that’s what you believe then you’d be wrong.  You can’t wrestle resistance with an act of will.  Besides, resistance is necessary for change to succeed!  Let me explain.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 4)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage (Part 3)

Last week, in Part 2, I suggested an exercise that encouraged you to deliberately look for positive facts and then turn those factual events into experiences – making it a point to savour and enjoy every aspect of each one of them.

Today I thought I’d share with you one of my own experiences but, before I do, let me tell you what the longer term consequences are.

The experience I’ll describe in a moment has huge benefits which go beyond the actual immediate enjoyment.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage (Part 3)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 2)

Building on my introduction – or teaser – from last week, I’d like to start by describing the kind of journey you’re embarking on – but first, a word of warning:

You’ll need to stick at it, something which is not always easy.  But, if you do, the rewards are amazing.

This is not just about rebuilding your self-confidence but about developing the inner peace that comes with letting go of the trivial stuff that overwhelm us with anxiety and guilt. 

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 2)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

This is the first of a series of blogs about a subject that is close to my heart:

How we sabotage our confidence and what we can do about it.

Here’s an example:

I’ve always preferred being in small groups, ideally just one or two other friends.  Larger groups make me feel uncomfortable.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

What if your body were your best friend?

So here I am, still in my mid-fifties and experiencing episodes of severe lower back pain and a pain in my left knee both of which are making my life anything from uncomfortable to miserable.

My GP has little comfort to offer other than to learn to live with it and take painkillers when necessary.  Sadly, they have only limited success.

As I’m telling a friend about it she makes a suggestion which strikes me as absolutely bizarre.

“Ask your pain why it’s there”, she suggests. “What is it trying to tell you?  See if you can associate it with a particular emotion.”

As you would expect, I pooh-pooh the idea and put it out of my head.

Read moreWhat if your body were your best friend?

Why you should have a role model

I remember when I started my very first job in Human Resources.  In those days it was called Personnel Management and I was Assistant Personnel Manager.

I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to get that job.  The Personnel Manager was a man called Ron.  He looked like Santa Claus and had the kindest face.

Unfortunately, as I discovered, he was also the most racist, sexist and bigoted man I had ever met.  He was also dishonest, controlling and manipulative.  I think that about covers it.

I was green and eager to make a difference.

Read moreWhy you should have a role model

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