If you do, how is it working for you?
We have two ways of reacting when we’re unhappy at home.
- We keep ruminating about the latest fight, what they said, what I said, what I should have said instead. And our performance suffers as a result.
- The other way of dealing with it is to put all our energy into our work.
That’s what I did in my first marriage.
I was working at the Institute of Directors when my relationship start going downhill. I was feeling unloved, taken for granted and lonely in my first marriage.
It couldn’t have been more different from how I felt at work where I felt appreciated.
Every quarter I received the highest bonus which made me feel great.
Was it any wonder I put more and more effort into my work?
Looking back I realise how my work relationships were being affected by what was happening at home.
The negativity at home, the critical and judgemental environment meant I had to carry the burden of my daily experience at work all on my own without even understanding what was going wrong or what to do about it.
In those days I had no-one to share with what was happening nor would I have anyway since my image of a successful, confident woman was far too important to me.
By the time I arrived at work in the mornings I was already exhausted, dreading the prospect of having to be animated and positive when talking with prospective clients.
It took me a long time to make the connection that it was my marriage that was affecting my work. It took even longer to finally have the courage to do something about it.
My way of coping was pretending that everything was fine but the burden of the pretence took a heavy toll on my health.
I was exhausted all the time and I had trouble sleeping.
Worst of all I started comfort-eating so I put on a lot of weight. I tried dieting but that didn’t work so I started making myself vomit. Bulimia, that eating disorder, nearly cost me my life.
Obviously – it least it’s obvious to me now – pretending nothing’s wrong is not the answer.
Are you afraid to admit what’s really happening in your relationship?
I suffered because I tried to keep it all a secret. I believed I was alone but, as it turned out, I wasn’t.
If you’re suffering in your relationship, ask for help.
I can help. I’ve been there and know how painful it is.
You’d be surprised how many people suffer in silence but you don’t have to. It’s one of the most common issues my clients bring to me.
Give me a free call on 07903 795027 or email me – sue@sueplumtree.com.
Together we will figure out what your options are.