There was a time when we were happy together – but that feels like such a long time ago.
He no longer seems to see me when he looks at me.
He no longer seems interested in what I have to say.
He never makes me feel I’m attractive anymore.
So said Sonia, an attractive 71-year old. She and her husband Mark have been married 41 years.
The more distant Mark became, the needier she felt, something she hated.
Over time she discovered how she was creating the relationship that was making her so unhappy.
With my encouragement she started experimenting with all kinds of new things.
She began to take care of her appearance. She started experimenting with make-up, lost a couple of pounds.
She learned how to drive, something she’d been resisting a long time because she relied on Mark to take her wherever she needed to go and a chance to spend time with him.
Mark bought her a little car and Sonia started going to galleries and museums, meeting new people and having a good time.
She stopped clinging to Mark.
For the first time in years she started having a really good time.
People started noticing and commented on how well she looked.
Best of all, there were unexpected side effects.
Mark was one of the people who noticed.
From having taken her for granted so long he began to see her with fresh eyes.
So this is what Sonia learned:
The only person you can change is yourself.
If you want to become visible to your partner again then you need to change how you think about yourself.
Being needy is not attractive, as she discovered.
Looking after yourself, your own needs, discovering what matters to you, the kinds of things you’re interested in even if your partner isn’t is a good start.
“When you change, everybody and everything changes too.”
Those were the words Alen, my life coach told me when we started working together.
There are all kinds of things you might like to try out.
Here are some ideas:
• Do something you always wanted to do but were too busy to try.
• Do something you used to be interested in but were discouraged from pursuing.
• Learn something new.
• List all your knowledge, skills, experience, gifts, talents and wisdom and share them with someone who might benefit, e.g. your grandchildren.
If you’re stuck, ask a friend what you’re good at.
The only purpose of doing anything new or different is to enjoy yourself.
You will be amazed how your relationships change when you begin to enjoy life again – there’s a new freshness that attracts people and makes them look at you twice.
Trial and error is a great way to find out what you enjoy doing and where your interests are and, if you don’t like a particular activity, try something else!
If you want to change your life and your relationships but don’t know where to start, I can help.
Give me a free call on 07903 795027 or email me – sue@sueplumtree.com