Sometimes I come across a quote and it makes everything fall into place. The one below had that effect on me:
“Just because you’re right doesn’t mean I’m wrong. You just haven’t seen life from my position.”
I often read or hear something that sheds new light about why the way Paul and I relate to each other works as well as it does.
This one really struck me because it’s one of the most important principles in my relationship with him.
Contrary to the way I used to react when Jim, my husband of 37 years, and I disagreed – when I had to make it absolutely clear that I was right and he was wrong – with Paul I react in a completely different way.
Now, when our opinions differ, I imagine that, if I’d had his life experience and background, I would probably react as he does.
But it’s more than that.
I’m curious to know more.
This doesn’t just avoid conflict; it gives us the opportunity to get to know each other even better. However long we’ve been together, there’s always more – and that gives us plenty to talk about!
Curiosity, as opposed to defensiveness, makes us both feel safe together. And, from this space, we can make ourselves emotionally vulnerable knowing we won’t be judged.
Even as I’m writing this I’ve had another insight:
There’s another reason I’m able to respond as I do:
I’m comfortable with myself. I don’t feel I have to protect or defend or feel personally attacked when our opinions differ.
This brings me back to my fundamental belief that all good relationships start with your relationship with yourself because people treat us as we treat ourselves.
With love and gratitude,
P.S. My third book, ‘Open Your Heart: The 7 Secrets Of Strong And Loving Relationships’ will be available in the next couple of weeks.
P.P.S. I enable women build strong and loving relationships, first with themselves and then with others. That’s because your relationship with yourself shapes all your other relationships.
If you’d like to find out how you can do that email me on firstname.lastname@example.org for a FREE one hour exploratory conversation.