As the time before Jim and I were about to part company forever reached the count-down stage, I was feeling good about myself for having got that far without any serious mishaps.
D-day was only a week or so away when it happened.
I completely lost it – I mean volcano type lost it – something that had never happened in all the 37 years.
Before then I had always managed to hold back the darkest of my feelings but not that day. I said terrible things – the worst of which was: “I don’t like you!”
I know you’re thinking, “is that the best she can come up with when she erupts?”
But, you see, for me, that was the absolute worst you can tell your partner of 37 years. I could have added “and I don’t trust you either – never have!”
The words I said and the words I would have said had I thought of them would have been the most authentic ones – not the ones I would hurl at him from time to time in a fit of temper.
And this is what I find particularly interesting:
Even then and for years afterwards, I still loved him.
I’d completely forgotten all about that until this weekend when I realised something really important about my relationship with Paul.
It’s no secret that I’m potty about him but, what I hadn’t really thought much about until that moment was how much I really like him.
The significance of this insight is huge:
Because I like him and because I like the way he goes about his life, his relationships with his family, his mates and, especially, how he goes about his relationship with me – in a thoughtful, caring and considerate manner – I feel safe with him, I trust him – and I respond to him in kind.
Because I feel safe with him, I’m able to make myself emotionally vulnerable to him; I feel safe being me which is something I never felt able to be before – and, because of that, he feels able to respond to me in kind.
A beautiful virtuous cycle with one thing feeding into the other.
So I have a question for you:
What qualities do you like about your partner?
Once you’re clear about them, why don’t you tell them? See how they respond.
Do let me know it went! I’d love to know!
With love and gratitude,
P.S. My third book, ‘Open Your Heart: The 7 Secrets Of Strong And Loving Relationships’ will be launched on Thursday, 21 September 2017.
P.P.S. I enable women build strong and loving relationships, first with themselves and then with others. That’s because your relationship with yourself shapes all your other relationships.
If you’d like to find out how you can do that email me on firstname.lastname@example.org for a FREE one hour exploratory conversation.