To celebrate my friendship with Bev

Today I feel compelled to write about my friendship with my dearest friend Bev.

The reason she’s on my mind is that today we’re meeting for lunch and spending time with her is always such a joy.

Bev and I met about 10 years ago when I was 63 or so.  The reason I mention this is because I’m always hearing people say how hard it is to make friends when you’re older but this is not at all my experience!

In fact, I met all of my friends (male and female) who have become really close since I turned 60.

Read moreTo celebrate my friendship with Bev

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 6)

Last week, in Part 5, I talked about two things, both of which go hand in hand:

  1. Intentions
  2. Perseverance

But there is something else which is equally important.

Reprogramming your brain also involves keeping your emotional engine topped up.

This is something I mentioned many times in the past but always in the context of nourishing yourself and keeping your emotional engine topped up to enable you to continue to give with an open heart.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 6)

How changing my story changed my life

hHere’s a question: What story are you telling yourself about yourself?

We have stories we tell ourselves about anything and everything – ourselves, other people and life in general. A personal favourite of mine is the ‘helpless’ story. This one is

– or could have been – mine:

“After 37 years, I decided I deserved better and finally left my marriage.

Of course, it was his fault. I had a list of complaints as long as my arm: everything he said or didn’t say; everything he did or didn’t do – that left me feeling resentful, frustrated, angry and hurt.

People I thought were friends walked away.  I felt abandoned. I kept talking about my feelings all the time; I just couldn’t help it. It all seemed so unfair.”

Here’s

Read moreHow changing my story changed my life

What does self-compassion mean?

I have recently come across an important and very readable book called ‘Self-Compassion: stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind’ by Kristin Neff, PhD.  For more information, click here.

As I was reading it I realised that, without realising it, I had already begun to practise self-compassion.  I saw that, over time, I had changed my inner dialogue from the harsh and impatient tone of voice I used to use when I judged, criticised and ran myself down to one that is gentler and more patient.  This made a huge difference in the way I felt about myself.

Read moreWhat does self-compassion mean?

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