The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

This is the first of a series of blogs about a subject that is close to my heart:

How we sabotage our confidence and what we can do about it.

Here’s an example:

I’ve always preferred being in small groups, ideally just one or two other friends.  Larger groups make me feel uncomfortable.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

If you think feeling confident is something airy fairy, think again

It lately occurred to me that you might wonder why the subject of feeling confident matters so much to me that keeps me coming back to it again and again.

The only answer I can give you is what it was like for me when I didn’t feel it.

The experience of my relationship with Jim, my ex-husband, had drained me of the little self-confidence I had when we married – not that I realised it at the time.

Read moreIf you think feeling confident is something airy fairy, think again

Self-sabotage and other destructive behaviours

‘Sabotaging yourself’, ‘letting yourself down’, ‘betraying yourself’ – each of them are very strong expressions. The obvious question would be: “why would we do a thing like that?”.  My answer is “probably because we don’t realise we’re doing it”.  But we do experience the results even though we don’t realise we are the ones who have created it.

Common self-sabotage

So what does it look like when we sabotage

Read moreSelf-sabotage and other destructive behaviours

What is self-confidence?

I’ve always been fascinated by people who are clearly self-confident.  How do you know when you meet a genuinely confident person?  What do you believe they’re like when no-one is looking?  I’ve come across a number of beliefs – or perhaps I should say ‘myths’ – that people hold about those they believe to be confident which used to include me:

They tend to take people at face value and they, therefore, also tend to believe that confident people have got it ‘all together’, that they don’t experience the fears and doubts that we all, on occasion, suffer from.

This is far from the truth.  Yet, there are a number of things that make self-confident people different:

When life throws them

Read moreWhat is self-confidence?

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