The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 4)

Last week, in Part 3, I described in detail how I made emotional experiences from potentially fleeting positive facts and the significant health and emotional benefits that this approach brings.

As obvious as these ideas may sound, there’s a huge obstacle to overcome

Resistance to change!

I bet you’re expecting me to say that you have to wrestle with it, overcome it one way or another!

If that’s what you believe then you’d be wrong.  You can’t wrestle resistance with an act of will.  Besides, resistance is necessary for change to succeed!  Let me explain.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 4)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

This is the first of a series of blogs about a subject that is close to my heart:

How we sabotage our confidence and what we can do about it.

Here’s an example:

I’ve always preferred being in small groups, ideally just one or two other friends.  Larger groups make me feel uncomfortable.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

Does love help prevent accidents?

On Tuesday two weeks ago, just after coming out from my dentist for my regular check-up, I tripped over a raised slab on the pavement and fell heavily on my face.

One of my front teeth was pushed down so it touched my lip.  I was unable to close my mouth, I badly hurt my wrist trying to buffer my fall, I bruised my ribs so it hurt to breathe, and I was generally bruised and sore.

As I lay there, face down, unable to move, a kind soul turned me over gently and, with the help of a second Good Samaritan, they carefully sat me against the wall.  All I could think of at that moment was my tooth, especially since I was less than 5 minutes away from my dentist’s surgery.

Read moreDoes love help prevent accidents?

How to become intimate: listen!

The first time I experienced being truly listened to, heard and understood was when I was doing my coaching training. We would be put in groups of three – the coach, the client and the observer, and then take it in turns so that everybody got experience with one of the roles.

hThat short experience was awesome – I had never experienced anything like it before.

Over the years I’ve noticed that few people actually listen to each other. It’s even worse when they’re in a fight. Then they both shout over each other. Nothing gets resolved and both parties end

Read moreHow to become intimate: listen!

The power of the mind: how to make it work for you

hSome years ago I attended a personal development weekend residential programme. By the second day we had all bonded and the facilitator set us an exercise:

He asked for volunteers and Sarah raised her hand. She was selected and

Read moreThe power of the mind: how to make it work for you

Who do you think you are?

flowers_poppy_red_flower_238895This question – “who do you think you are?” – may sound a bit vague but is nothing of the sort. It’s as practical and concrete as a brick.

Who we think we are determines

Read moreWho do you think you are?

Never have grotty relationships again!

I was recently talking with Sally (not her real name), a friend of mine. She’s a lovely person, the kind that is always there for you. The trouble is, she’s always complaining that she doesn’t get much back so she tends to end up exhausted and resentful.

"After all I've done for them!"
“After all I’ve done for them!”

Sally is a people-pleaser, trying to be all things to all people but, as I’ve said to her again and again – it’s clearly not working for her. Bottom line, she’s not a happy woman. And she’s definitely not the only one.

Read moreNever have grotty relationships again!

How ‘consequences’ transform your relationships

Most people are scared of dealing with frustrating relationships. You hate confrontations and dealing with conflict! You mostly react with annoyance and frustration. That’s understandable. However, awkward people can be be a blessing in disguise although you are unlikely to appreciate this at the time, because they have a useful role to play in our learning and growing.

At the first meeting I had with a new client, I asked him, “what do you do when there’s a confrontation looking? He replied, “I don’t do anything” so I then asked him, “And what do you do when it happens again?” He replied,

Read moreHow ‘consequences’ transform your relationships

What is self-trust?

Do you trust yourself?

When I first start working with a new client, more than one tends to comment that they don’t really trust their own judgement because they have made so many poor choices in the past.

These comments got me thinking:  What does it really means to trust?

These clients have got one thing right:  it IS about trusting (or not trusting) themselves.  That definitely fits my own experience in the early days.  I tended to hand over decisions about

Read moreWhat is self-trust?

Questions I would have liked to have been asked

I’ve recently had the privilege of being interviewed by Woman’s Hour, The Daily Mail and The Telegraph.

It is impossible, in the brief time, to cover more than the absolute minimum. But it left me wishing we’d had more time and print space to examine the things that, in my opinion, are really important: how did I get from feeling as if I were invisible in my marriage to today, where, now well into my sixties, I’m continually attracting loving and supportive relationships, and working as the Life Enhancing Coach which is deeply rewarding.

Read moreQuestions I would have liked to have been asked

Grow Your Confidence and Fabulous Relationships will Follow