The No. 1 secret that will enable you to persist when others give up

I recently had a conversation with a friend, a fellow coach.  She had been trying really hard for quite some time to make a go of her coaching practice but, as she told me, “No matter how hard I try, I’m unable to make a go of it.”  So she decided to stop.  It had got to the point where it was affecting her health.

Then she asked me what kept me going.

I too was struggling so I tried to put into words why I couldn’t give up but had trouble finding the right words.

But the question kept nagging at me.  It made me wonder, what makes some people keep going no matter what and others give up?

Read moreThe No. 1 secret that will enable you to persist when others give up

Who do you think you are?

flowers_poppy_red_flower_238895This question – “who do you think you are?” – may sound a bit vague but is nothing of the sort. It’s as practical and concrete as a brick.

Who we think we are determines

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How changing my story changed my life

hHere’s a question: What story are you telling yourself about yourself?

We have stories we tell ourselves about anything and everything – ourselves, other people and life in general. A personal favourite of mine is the ‘helpless’ story. This one is

– or could have been – mine:

“After 37 years, I decided I deserved better and finally left my marriage.

Of course, it was his fault. I had a list of complaints as long as my arm: everything he said or didn’t say; everything he did or didn’t do – that left me feeling resentful, frustrated, angry and hurt.

People I thought were friends walked away.  I felt abandoned. I kept talking about my feelings all the time; I just couldn’t help it. It all seemed so unfair.”

Here’s

Read moreHow changing my story changed my life

Self-sabotage and other destructive behaviours

‘Sabotaging yourself’, ‘letting yourself down’, ‘betraying yourself’ – each of them are very strong expressions. The obvious question would be: “why would we do a thing like that?”.  My answer is “probably because we don’t realise we’re doing it”.  But we do experience the results even though we don’t realise we are the ones who have created it.

Common self-sabotage

So what does it look like when we sabotage

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Love and loss happens but don’t be afraid to try again

Despite the deeply personal nature of this blog I feel compelled to share my experience because I believe the message is important.

I was married for 37 years and, just over 8 years ago, I took the painful step of leaving my marriage. I did it because I finally admitted to myself that I deserved better.

Over the last 8 years I processed most of my baggage and I recently

Read moreLove and loss happens but don’t be afraid to try again

Setbacks: catastrophes or opportunities?

When things go wrong most people’s reaction is frustration and disappointment.  That’s understandable. However, setbacks, disappointments and failures have a useful role to play in our personal growth and development.

I had an exploratory meeting with a client once and I asked him, “what do you do when you have a setback?” He replied, “I panic.” I then followed this with “And what do you do after you finish panicking?” and he said “I continue to panic.”

It turned out that he had been hugely successful when he was employed. Every project he started

Read moreSetbacks: catastrophes or opportunities?

Scared of Conflict?

My parents’ experience of war and their enforced dependence on other people’s goodwill caused them to instil into me the importance of getting people to like me. My very survival might depend on it, they said again and again. I grew up with that belief deeply embedded into me and I invested a great deal of effort into presenting myself in a way that I believed would appeal to others, get them to like me, give me work, even love me.

It is, therefore, not surprising that, for most of my adult life, I was not only intent on being all things

Read moreScared of Conflict?

What’s Wrong with Having Expectations? (Part 1)

Expectations are like a double-edged sword – some are absolutely appropriate, even helpful, some are out of date and some are positively harmful.

As clients begin working with me and begin to learn to know themselves better they start to notice their expectations – the ones that work well for them and the ones that don’t.

They not only come to see how they expect to be treated and feel unable to do anything

Read moreWhat’s Wrong with Having Expectations? (Part 1)

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