The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 4)

Last week, in Part 3, I described in detail how I made emotional experiences from potentially fleeting positive facts and the significant health and emotional benefits that this approach brings.

As obvious as these ideas may sound, there’s a huge obstacle to overcome

Resistance to change!

I bet you’re expecting me to say that you have to wrestle with it, overcome it one way or another!

If that’s what you believe then you’d be wrong.  You can’t wrestle resistance with an act of will.  Besides, resistance is necessary for change to succeed!  Let me explain.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 4)

Powerlessness is learned. Here’s how to unlearn it

hOne of the most destructive myths around is the belief that we’re powerless, helpless to change our life, our destiny.

The key word in this sentence is ‘belief’ because beliefs are things you can change. But, before you can change anything, you need to understand how it works:

Here are is a story that highlights the process of becoming helpless:

Read morePowerlessness is learned. Here’s how to unlearn it

Is worry useful or useless? Here’s how to tell the difference

shutterstock_220750444Here’s something I finally figured out:

Worrying is a habit. A lot of it falls under the heading of ‘what if’. “What if I get made redundant?”, “what if (s/he) has an accident?”, “what if I’m delayed and I miss my flight?”, “what if the hospital tests show I have some dreadful disease?”.  Which

Read moreIs worry useful or useless? Here’s how to tell the difference

How appreciation can transform lives

hBelieve it or not, we have the power to make a huge difference in how people feel about themselves.

In their wonderful book ‘How Full Is Your Bucket?’, Tom Rath and Don O. Clifton explain that, with each encounter, however brief, we can make people either feel good about themselves or we can leave them feeling ignored, invisible and discouraged, wondering why

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What happened when I failed to listen to myself

shutterstock_220931875Something happened to me recently that brought on a memory.

It was November about 4 years ago – near Christmas but not near enough for me to slow down so I kept pushing myself. There was so much to do! Not just my work but my social life too. There were demands and expectations from people, and things I would normally handle easily, became a real challenge – like saying ‘No’.

Not only that, but

Read moreWhat happened when I failed to listen to myself

What does it mean to sabotage yourself?

‘Sabotaging yourself’, ‘letting yourself down’, ‘betraying yourself’ – each of them very strong expressions. The obvious question would be: “why would we do a thing like that?”. My answer is “probably because we don’t realise we’re doing it”.

So what does it look like when we sabotage ourselves? In my case, self-sabotage was practically a way of life. There are as many ways to sabotage ourselves as there are people. One of mine was to twist myself into a chameleon to try and be what I believed people wanted me to be, all in an effort to be liked, approved of and accepted. Another was my tendency to put other people’s needs ahead of my own, even the significant ones.

Read moreWhat does it mean to sabotage yourself?

Grow Your Confidence and Fabulous Relationships will Follow