If you didn’t care what people said, what would you do differently?

I remember the first time this thought popped into my head: my stomach clenched with anxiety. I imagine this is a common reaction amongst us people pleasers or, as I prefer to call myself, recovering people pleaser.

shutterstock_63866632Just the idea of deliberately doing something that might displease somebody scared the hell out of me. In those days, the thought of rocking the boat felt threatening.

But here’s the thing, many of us reach a point when the status quo is no longer an option because we finally know we

Read moreIf you didn’t care what people said, what would you do differently?

Changing other people is a skill that can be learned. Here’s how…

shutterstock_220936639Today I’m going to make two recommendations that appear to be in direct conflict with each other:

Recommendation No. 1:

Don’t try to change other people. Not only does it not work; it creates resentment and distance.

Read moreChanging other people is a skill that can be learned. Here’s how…

If you’d like to know how to change your environment, here’s how

Did you know that the quality of your environment – where you live, what you do, the friends you have, how you get on with your family, in short, your life and all your relationships – they all start in your head, with your thoughts.

hYour thoughts are a reflection of how you see yourself, whether you like and trust yourself or not, how you perceive other people and how you interpret everything that happens to you.

I had a hugely significant experience a few years ago. I’d been struggling to build my coaching practice and kept thinking, “I don’t know what else to do!; nothing I do works!”

Read moreIf you’d like to know how to change your environment, here’s how

Love and loss happens but don’t be afraid to try again

Despite the deeply personal nature of this blog I feel compelled to share my experience because I believe the message is important.

I was married for 37 years and, just over 8 years ago, I took the painful step of leaving my marriage. I did it because I finally admitted to myself that I deserved better.

Over the last 8 years I processed most of my baggage and I recently

Read moreLove and loss happens but don’t be afraid to try again

If you want to get rid of fear, here’s how

Most people define courage as the absence of fear yet nothing could be further from the truth. When I was younger, my life was dominated by all kinds of fears which would hold me back in all areas of my life. Not long ago, I wrote a blog called ‘Feel the fear and do it … Read more

What is self-confidence?

I’ve always been fascinated by people who are clearly self-confident.  How do you know when you meet a genuinely confident person?  What do you believe they’re like when no-one is looking?  I’ve come across a number of beliefs – or perhaps I should say ‘myths’ – that people hold about those they believe to be confident which used to include me:

They tend to take people at face value and they, therefore, also tend to believe that confident people have got it ‘all together’, that they don’t experience the fears and doubts that we all, on occasion, suffer from.

This is far from the truth.  Yet, there are a number of things that make self-confident people different:

When life throws them

Read moreWhat is self-confidence?

Setbacks: catastrophes or opportunities?

When things go wrong most people’s reaction is frustration and disappointment.  That’s understandable. However, setbacks, disappointments and failures have a useful role to play in our personal growth and development.

I had an exploratory meeting with a client once and I asked him, “what do you do when you have a setback?” He replied, “I panic.” I then followed this with “And what do you do after you finish panicking?” and he said “I continue to panic.”

It turned out that he had been hugely successful when he was employed. Every project he started

Read moreSetbacks: catastrophes or opportunities?

Where there’s a will there’s a way

I was brought up to believe that other people’s needs and desires always came first, especially when they conflicted with mine. As a result of this, two things happened:

  1. I was often out of touch with my own needs and desires, and
  2. When I did recognise them I was either too afraid of expressing them or diluted them in such a way that they mostly went unheard.

Read moreWhere there’s a will there’s a way

Grow Your Confidence and Fabulous Relationships will Follow

FREE