The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 2)

Building on my introduction – or teaser – from last week, I’d like to start by describing the kind of journey you’re embarking on – but first, a word of warning:

You’ll need to stick at it, something which is not always easy.  But, if you do, the rewards are amazing.

This is not just about rebuilding your self-confidence but about developing the inner peace that comes with letting go of the trivial stuff that overwhelm us with anxiety and guilt. 

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How can one be authentically authentic?

I had been coached for some time when the subject of authenticity came up.

The timing was good. As part of being coached I had begun to drop some of my many masks and was experimenting with telling people whatever felt true to me. It was really scary but I was determined to change my relationships which, in those days, felt superficial. As I was yearning for closeness, I persisted.

shutterstock_189619739I noticed that, overall, people responded well but I also noticed, eventually, that there was one person I found it very difficult to be authentic with, to tell him what was true for me. Yes, you guessed it, Jim, my ex-husband.

I remember this one occasion. I was

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The healing power of self-compassion

My ideas and insights about the Gremlin and how to manage it have always had a fundamental role to play when it comes to explaining and dealing with the vast range of our relationships and experiences.

Mostly, I focus on the power of self-awareness because you can’t change any aspect of your life until you come to see how you contribute to that relationship or situation. Seeing it is deeply empowering because, while you cannot change how other people behave, you can change the way you engage, communicate and connect – and that includes your relationship with your Gremlin.

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What does self-compassion mean?

I have recently come across an important and very readable book called ‘Self-Compassion: stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind’ by Kristin Neff, PhD.  For more information, click here.

As I was reading it I realised that, without realising it, I had already begun to practise self-compassion.  I saw that, over time, I had changed my inner dialogue from the harsh and impatient tone of voice I used to use when I judged, criticised and ran myself down to one that is gentler and more patient.  This made a huge difference in the way I felt about myself.

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