How to rekindle romance no matter how long you’ve been together

On 12 September 2018 I published a blog called ‘How To Really Listen And Make People Fall In Love With You’.

It was a detailed blog about the mechanics of listening.

The ability to listen well makes such a huge difference to our relationships that I feel compelled to address it again from a slightly different angle.

What triggered this train of thought was watching Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt, his wife, being interviewed.  They are relationship gurus and have been working for decades helping couples who are struggling with their relationships.

Interestingly, they articulated what I know to be true from my own experience which is that poor communication between people leads to toxic relationships by which I mean relationships where you feel unloved, unimportant, even invisible as well as angry, frustrated and resentful.

Read moreHow to rekindle romance no matter how long you’ve been together

Changing other people is a skill that can be learned. Here’s how…

shutterstock_220936639Today I’m going to make two recommendations that appear to be in direct conflict with each other:

Recommendation No. 1:

Don’t try to change other people. Not only does it not work; it creates resentment and distance.

Read moreChanging other people is a skill that can be learned. Here’s how…

Did you know you can re-invent your past?

shutterstock_176813414I bet you – and probably everybody else on the planet from age of roughly 7 onwards – have baggage. For many of us, including me, that includes separation or divorce. Some of us will have gone through hell and high water, and the pain, the bitterness and the

Read moreDid you know you can re-invent your past?

How changing my story changed my life

hHere’s a question: What story are you telling yourself about yourself?

We have stories we tell ourselves about anything and everything – ourselves, other people and life in general. A personal favourite of mine is the ‘helpless’ story. This one is

– or could have been – mine:

“After 37 years, I decided I deserved better and finally left my marriage.

Of course, it was his fault. I had a list of complaints as long as my arm: everything he said or didn’t say; everything he did or didn’t do – that left me feeling resentful, frustrated, angry and hurt.

People I thought were friends walked away.  I felt abandoned. I kept talking about my feelings all the time; I just couldn’t help it. It all seemed so unfair.”

Here’s

Read moreHow changing my story changed my life

Questions I would have liked to have been asked

I’ve recently had the privilege of being interviewed by Woman’s Hour, The Daily Mail and The Telegraph.

It is impossible, in the brief time, to cover more than the absolute minimum. But it left me wishing we’d had more time and print space to examine the things that, in my opinion, are really important: how did I get from feeling as if I were invisible in my marriage to today, where, now well into my sixties, I’m continually attracting loving and supportive relationships, and working as the Life Enhancing Coach which is deeply rewarding.

Read moreQuestions I would have liked to have been asked

What does it mean to trust?

I’ve come across some clients who comment that they don’t really trust their own judgement because they have made so many poor choices in the past.

These comments got me thinking about what it really means to trust.

My first reaction is that these clients have got one thing right, namely that it’s about trusting (or not trusting) themselves.  That’s certainly more than I can say about myself in the early days.  I tended to hand over decisions about what was best for me to just about everybody else.  I trusted their judgement more than I trusted my own.

But issues around self-trust go beyond

Read moreWhat does it mean to trust?

What is self-confidence?

I’ve always been fascinated by people who are clearly self-confident.  How do you know when you meet a genuinely confident person?  What do you believe they’re like when no-one is looking?  I’ve come across a number of beliefs – or perhaps I should say ‘myths’ – that people hold about those they believe to be confident which used to include me:

They tend to take people at face value and they, therefore, also tend to believe that confident people have got it ‘all together’, that they don’t experience the fears and doubts that we all, on occasion, suffer from.

This is far from the truth.  Yet, there are a number of things that make self-confident people different:

When life throws them

Read moreWhat is self-confidence?

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