The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

This is the first of a series of blogs about a subject that is close to my heart:

How we sabotage our confidence and what we can do about it.

Here’s an example:

I’ve always preferred being in small groups, ideally just one or two other friends.  Larger groups make me feel uncomfortable.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

Another failed diet? Check out your relationship!

Newsflash!

Focusing on your relationship will improve your health!

Putting on weight when you worked so hard at losing it in the first place is so frustrating!

And, when your energy levels and your self-confidence are low, the quality of your life as a whole is affected.

Read moreAnother failed diet? Check out your relationship!

Is worry useful or useless? Here’s how to tell the difference

shutterstock_220750444Here’s something I finally figured out:

Worrying is a habit. A lot of it falls under the heading of ‘what if’. “What if I get made redundant?”, “what if (s/he) has an accident?”, “what if I’m delayed and I miss my flight?”, “what if the hospital tests show I have some dreadful disease?”.  Which

Read moreIs worry useful or useless? Here’s how to tell the difference

Don’t you wish it were easier?

This is what I know:

In order to keep learning and growing, we need to expand our comfort zone. Everybody knows that, right?

But then I came across this article that suggests that stepping beyond our comfort zone can not only be hard work but it can also be very uncomfortable, at least until we master whatever we wanted to learn.

hThat’s what it’s usually like to climb our learning curve, be it learning to drive, learning a new language or learning how to create better relationships.

The more we want something, the more we’re likely to be determined to succeed. And that’s

Read moreDon’t you wish it were easier?

The power of the mind: how to make it work for you

hSome years ago I attended a personal development weekend residential programme. By the second day we had all bonded and the facilitator set us an exercise:

He asked for volunteers and Sarah raised her hand. She was selected and

Read moreThe power of the mind: how to make it work for you

What to do when a financial crisis hits home

As a life coach I have all kinds of people coming to me but I noticed lately that I have begun to attract an increasing number of people in financial difficulties an area I’m familiar with, both personally and professionally.

Some of my clients, for example, have heard rumours of redundancy and have scared themselves into a standstill, unable to think.

"What on earth am I going to do!"

Most of them are in their late forties or early fifties – a difficult age when you are employed and perhaps about to lose your job.  Whether we like it or not, we live in an ageist society. 

The first thing

Read moreWhat to do when a financial crisis hits home

Are you due to retire? If so, here’s how NOT to do it

If you’re due to retire it is because you have chosen to do so.  However, that doesn’t mean you won’t experience anxiety – what will it be like?  The uncertainty can be stressful and draining.

In my conversations with people in the same situation I’m struck by how many suddenly become very busy.  They tell me they have to tie loose ends; that they don’t want to leave a mess, that they have to hand over to their successor, that they have to train them from scratch.

The extent of their

Read moreAre you due to retire? If so, here’s how NOT to do it

What does it mean to retire?

When I turned 60 I had to face the fact that I was heading towards retirement, something I had never even considered.  I probably was in denial and only came out of it because of a message from the HR department.  I had been in my job for the last 8 years.  I really enjoyed the work and I was well paid.  Also, I had a really good relationship with my colleagues – all of which I knew I would lose once I actually retired.  The HR message served to put the whole issue right in front of my face.  I had nowhere to hide.

I was really feeling unsettled about the whole idea – losing my colleagues, losing my purpose, losing my routine.  Also, there was the question of structure.  I imagined

Read moreWhat does it mean to retire?

Feeling Anxious and Confused?

Are you feeling anxious and confused? If so, I have a radical proposition for you: Confusion is the foundation of creativity.

Ask anyone how they feel about it and they’re likely exclaim, ‘It’s horrible!’, as they thrash about in uncertainty and not knowing which way to turn.

Not knowing is deeply uncomfortable and there is an urge in us that drives us to fill the gap with something – anything. The relief of ‘knowing’ can be huge but fatal because it leads us towards mediocrity.

Read moreFeeling Anxious and Confused?

How to Transform Your Relationships

I was brought up to always be friendly, agreeable, charming and cheerful. My parents believed that my very survival depended on people liking me and being a people pleaser was, clearly, the way to be accepted, acceptable and liked.

I grew up, got married and over the years I developed a variety of friendships of varying degrees of superficiality.

I worked as hard as I could at all these relationships. One of the approaches I had developed was to avoid conflict at all cost. I actually believed that conflict signified the end of a relationship, that if I ever told someone how I really felt, they would walk away and I’d be alone – forever. This “walking away” might be physical or psychological.

Read moreHow to Transform Your Relationships

Grow Your Confidence and Fabulous Relationships will Follow

FREE