Worrying is a habit. A lot of it falls under the heading of ‘what if’. “What if I get made redundant?”, “what if (s/he) has an accident?”, “what if I’m delayed and I miss my flight?”, “what if the hospital tests show I have some dreadful disease?”. Which
This is what I know:
In order to keep learning and growing, we need to expand our comfort zone. Everybody knows that, right?
But then I came across this article that suggests that stepping beyond our comfort zone can not only be hard work but it can also be very uncomfortable, at least until we master whatever we wanted to learn.
The more we want something, the more we’re likely to be determined to succeed. And that’s
He asked for volunteers and Sarah raised her hand. She was selected and
As a life coach I have all kinds of people coming to me but I noticed lately that I have begun to attract an increasing number of people in financial difficulties an area I’m familiar with, both personally and professionally.
Some of my clients, for example, have heard rumours of redundancy and have scared themselves into a standstill, unable to think.
Most of them are in their late forties or early fifties – a difficult age when you are employed and perhaps about to lose your job. Whether we like it or not, we live in an ageist society.
The first thing
If you’re due to retire it is because you have chosen to do so. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t experience anxiety – what will it be like? The uncertainty can be stressful and draining.
In my conversations with people in the same situation I’m struck by how many suddenly become very busy. They tell me they have to tie loose ends; that they don’t want to leave a mess, that they have to hand over to their successor, that they have to train them from scratch.
When I turned 60 I had to face the fact that I was heading towards retirement, something I had never even considered. I probably was in denial and only came out of it because of a message from the HR department. I had been in my job for the last 8 years. I really enjoyed the work and I was well paid. Also, I had a really good relationship with my colleagues – all of which I knew I would lose once I actually retired. The HR message served to put the whole issue right in front of my face. I had nowhere to hide.
I was really feeling unsettled about the whole idea – losing my colleagues, losing my purpose, losing my routine. Also, there was the question of structure. I imagined
Ask anyone how they feel about it and they’re likely exclaim, ‘It’s horrible!’, as they thrash about in uncertainty and not knowing which way to turn.
Not knowing is deeply uncomfortable and there is an urge in us that drives us to fill the gap with something – anything. The relief of ‘knowing’ can be huge but fatal because it leads us towards mediocrity.
I was brought up to always be friendly, agreeable, charming and cheerful. My parents believed that my very survival depended on people liking me and being a people pleaser was, clearly, the way to be accepted, acceptable and liked.
I grew up, got married and over the years I developed a variety of friendships of varying degrees of superficiality.
I worked as hard as I could at all these relationships. One of the approaches I had developed was to avoid conflict at all cost. I actually believed that conflict signified the end of a relationship, that if I ever told someone how I really felt, they would walk away and I’d be alone – forever. This “walking away” might be physical or psychological.