Fiona, a new client, was telling me about her relationship. It was a story that brought up memories of my own marriage all those years ago.
I remember trying all sorts of things that I believed would make Jim love me – something I was never able to achieve.
It was only years later that I finally recognised part of the reason my marriage died.
For a relationship to succeed, it has to be reciprocal. There has to be give and take.
Like Fiona, I kept giving and giving and giving and getting very little back. That was one of the reasons I felt unloved.
But it would be unfair to blame Jim exclusively. I had to ask myself a really hard question, was I in some way partly responsible for the state of my marriage?
Here are some of the insights I discovered:
- When he did things for me, I didn’t recognise them as love. That’s because our ways of expressing love were different.
- I believed that, if he really loved me, he’d know what I needed.
- I’d never given any thought to what I really needed and wanted in my marriage to be happy.
- And I most certainly never gave any thought to what he might have needed or
When I finally understood, it was really painful but I now recognise those insights as a genuine treasure trove, a gold mine of knowledge, observations and wisdom I accumulated over the years which I now use to empower Fiona and others engage differently with their partner.
And, in the process, I have empowered myself to do just that with Paul, the love of my life.
You know what they say, better late than never…
With love and gratitude
P.S. My new book, Open Your Heart: The 7 Secrets of Strong and Loving Relationships will be published on Tuesday 25 July.
P.P.S. I enable women build strong and loving relationships, first with themselves and then with others. That’s because your relationship with yourself shapes all your other relationships.
If you’d like to find out how you can do that, call me on 020 8940 7056 or email me on firstname.lastname@example.org for a FREE one hour exploratory conversation.