Why make a drama out of resilience?

DSCN0768 What can possibly be dramatic about resilience?

Actually, it’s not resilience itself that’s so dramatic.  It’s the dramatic imagination you can use to do whatever it takes to get to the other side.

In my case, I have this huge dream – perhaps it’s so huge I won’t be able to achieve but, who knows, I might.

I know I’m resilient.  I tend to persevere when many people might have long given up.  I suspect that’s because of my huge dream.

But huge dreams are not necessary.  What may keep you going may be your children and your family.  You need to be resilient for them, if not for yourself.

As for me, I wondered, was I always resilient or am I gradually becoming more resilient as time goes on?

This is what I noticed:

I definitely keep becoming more resilient as I grow older.  How come?

Looking back, I notice it’s always been the hard times – being made redundant from a job I loved, the decision to leave my marriage and the grief that followed, being diagnosed with breast cancer, business setbacks, losing my Mum to dementia and many other experiences.

Sometimes things happened unexpectedly that have knocked me for six – others, I was able to foresee, for example when my Mum turned 94 and became increasingly frail.

Picking myself up from the unexpected is a sure sign I’m resilient.  “OK, I lost this particular opportunity”, I told myself after having spent time cursing, blaming and generally feeling sorry for myself, “but there are other options”.

I admit, I made some pretty poor decisions along the way – more setbacks!  But I persisted – that’s another sign of resilience.

Other challenges taught me – even though I was seriously resistant at the time – to ask for help because I had no choice.

What does asking for help have to do with resilience?

I discovered that, having the support of friends, the opportunity to test out your ideas before making a choice or just having the opportunity to talk and being truly listened to, it all adds to a sense of self-worth and, when you feel good about yourself, you become more resilient – another way of saying, “I know I can handle this”.

Nowadays, I tend to turn negative experiences into positives.  That used not to be the case when I was younger.  I used to be a worrier.  Friends used to tease me that, if I didn’t have something to worry about, I’d worry about that.

Turning bad experiences into positives is something experts call paradigm shift or reframing.  Such experiences don’t have to be major.  It might be experiencing a setback that leaves you disappointed yet being willing to learn from the experience rather than staying disappointed or worse, discouraged.

One of the most important benefits of setbacks, failures and disappointments is the strength, wisdom and resilience you gain from overcoming them.

And there’s one other thing I discovered:

It’s not enough just to be alive.  Resilience enables you to live your life to the full.

Why don’t you look up resilience on the internet?  It tells you a lot about how it can be developed.

By the way, did I mention that curiosity and the eagerness to learn strengthens your resilience?

 

P.S.  I specialise in enabling women build successful relationships.  Far too many women have forgotten what it feels like to be loved, supported, valued and appreciated.  I enable them to build relationships that are solid and durable and, especially, relationships where they experience intimacy.

If this is what you want too, call me on 020 8940 7056 or email me on sue@sueplumtree.com for a FREE one hour exploratory conversation.

P.P.S.  Trouble spots may start small, apparently trivial but, if left unattended, they can create distance between you – irrespective of whether it’s with your partner, a family member or a friend.

To find out how to deal with them as and when they come up, contact me for a FREE one hour exploratory conversation using the details mentioned above.

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