It lately occurred to me that you might wonder why the subject of feeling confident matters so much to me that keeps me coming back to it again and again.
The only answer I can give you is what it was like for me when I didn’t feel it.
The experience of my relationship with Jim, my ex-husband, had drained me of the little self-confidence I had when we married – not that I realised it at the time.
All I knew was how little it took for me to feel bad about myself, not good enough. One minute I’d feel really great and then a careless comment would deflate me like a balloon, and my limiting beliefs and my Gremlin, my inner critic, would kick into action and deflate me even further.
I had no idea what my needs and wants were. All I knew was how I felt – the pain, the emptiness, the loneliness.
How could I ask for what I needed and wanted when I didn’t even know what they were? I’d been brought up to always put other people’s needs and wants ahead of my own. Anything else was selfish.
Trying to please other people became second nature to me as did trying everything I knew to get Jim to love me – the way I needed to be loved so I’d feel it but none of my efforts made any difference.
Predictably, the lack of response built a wall of resentments that grew bigger with every passing year.
So, are you surprised I keep coming back with the message
“Self-confidence is the foundation of all your relationships!”?
In my free e-book ‘Become More Confident And Fabulous Relationships Will Follow’ (available on my website) I go into great detail about how this is possible. But, when I checked it out again, I noticed that I never explained exactly how feeling confident can change your life.
What will feeling confident actually do for you? Here’s a fairly comprehensive – yet still incomplete – list of examples.
When you feel confident
- you feel comfortable asking for what you need and want – knowing that sometimes you will get what you ask for and sometimes you won’t – and still be OK with it,
- you’re plagued with fewer limiting beliefs.
This means that you’re able to make much better choices, for example, who you want to hang out with, what to say ‘yes’ and what to say ‘no’ to – and do it in a way that doesn’t put people off.
- you no longer stay in situations where you’re unhappy, for example, job or relationships, because you know you deserve better,
- you stop putting other people’s needs and wants ahead of your own because you know that yours are just as important,
- you stop being self-critical and putting yourself down. Instead, you become more gentle, patient and compassionate with yourself,
- you accept compliments and positive feedback with grace,
- you no longer feel the need to constantly please other people,
- you feel comfortable asking for help,
- you trust your own judgement and accept that, sometimes, you will get it wrong,
- you know how to gently but firmly put a stop to unacceptable behaviour,
- you’re willing to speak up when you feel strongly about something,
- you no longer feel the need to be right,
- you love making it clear to others how much you appreciate them.
The point of this list is to show you that the results of feeling confident are specific and tangible.
But that’s not all. When you feel good about yourself with a healthy sense of self-worth, your mental, emotional and even physical health and wellbeing soar.
Do you think even one of the items on this list would make a positive difference to your life?
Why don’t you try it and see?
I’d love to know how it worked for you. Please send me a comment and let me know.
With love and gratitude,
P.S. I coach women over 50 who have not yet made the connection between the quality of their relationship with themselves and others and the quality of their health.
P.P.S. My third book, ‘Open Your Heart: The 7 Secrets Of Strong And Loving Relationships’ is now on Amazon and getting 5* reviews!