I was on the bus and unintentionally listening to two women talking. It sounded like a fairly intimate conversation. Obviously, I did not turn around.
One was telling the other that she’d been offered what sounded like a great job but wasn’t sure whether or not to take it because she’d had made quite a few mistakes in the past and didn’t exactly trust her judgement.
The friend was trying to reassure her.
That got me thinking about self-trust, something that took me years to develop.
For many years my track record left a lot to be desired.
I mean, would you trust somebody who went after a man just to see if she can make him fall in love with her and then married him?
Would you trust somebody who kept doing the same thing again and again even though the evidence shouted “DON’T DO IT! IT’S NOT WORKING!”?
Would you trust somebody who would go as far as lying to make herself look good?
No, neither would I.
Perhaps not surprisingly, I was also unhappy.
I was unhappy because, even though I was twisting myself into a pretzel, I still didn’t get the love I so craved.
I was unhappy because the circumstances of my life were dreary, unfulfilling, disappointing.
I was unhappy because, try as I might, my needs and wants were not being met.
And then, of course, I would blame myself and beat myself up.
A vicious circle if there ever was one.
How did I get out of it?
This particular journey started with a huge insight:
I realised that, even though I kept promising myself not to do that (stupid) thing again, I ended up doing just that – with some variations, of course, so I didn’t really notice I was doing it. All I noticed was that nothing changed.
The insight was: I kept breaking the promises I made to myself.
And that was just the beginning.
Obviously, learning to trust myself was a process, not an event.
I think that trusting yourself is a by-product of liking yourself and liking yourself happens when you do things that are right, not easy.
Here are some examples of my own:
- The biggest one was to catch out my Gremlin, my negative inner critic, and challenge it whenever it whispered to me I wasn’t good enough, not capable enough, not clever enough, not loveable enough.
- Stepping out of my comfort zone and start taking small risks, then slightly bigger ones even when I felt uncomfortable.
- Risking letting go of the pretence I’d got it all sussed out.
- Risking asking for help.
- Risking letting myself be seen, warts and all.
- Being willing to get it wrong and learn from the experience instead of beating myself up.
Then, one day I looked back and realised I was in safe hands, mine.
There are no short-cuts to this journey but the rewards are immeasurable.
If you’d like to embark on this journey then I suggest you consider the 80-20 rule – take the smallest step you can think of that has the highest chance of producing the greatest result.
My question to you is, what is that step?
With love and gratitude,
P.S. If you believe I can support you, please contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org or text me on my mobile – 07903 795027 for a free, no obligation Obstacle Smashing Exploratory Session.
You will walk away with at least 3 options to get you started on a happier path – whether or not you choose to work with me.