Do you want to change other people? Here’s how…

"You should talk! You're the most untidy person I know!"
“You should talk! You’re the most untidy person I know!”

As a child it was explicitly drummed into me that I needed other people’s goodwill for my emotional, even physical survival. As a result, I became a people-pleaser. I became a chameleon turning myself into whatever I believed other people wanted me to be. So it won’t surprise you when I tell you that I was absolutely terrified of conflict.

Standing up for myself was

Read moreDo you want to change other people? Here’s how…

Do you want to create rewarding relationships? Here’s how…

I’ve got good news for you! You no longer need to feel frustrated and resentful because people don’t behave considerately, courteously or politely towards you. Even better, you can change their behaviour.

hYou know how people are always saying, “You can’t change anybody unless they’re willing and able to change”? That’s true if the person doesn’t care about your relationship. Assume they do. You’ll soon find out one way or the other.

Your part in the process is to

Read moreDo you want to create rewarding relationships? Here’s how…

Do you want to make changes? Yes? No? Yes? No?

So you figured out what you really want – A trip to Thailand – a course in watercolour painting – write a book – start your own business.

How exciting is that!  You’re about to do what you’ve been wanting to do for such a long time!

"What do I really want? I'm confusing myself!"
“What do I really want? I’m confusing myself!”

That’s when the Gremlin – your critical inner chatterbox – strikes terror into your heart:

“A trip to Thailand?! Are you mad!? Do you know how risky it is, a woman on her own?!? Or “Watercolours!?! Give me a break! You can’t even draw stick people!” “Write a book? Who do you think you are, J.K. Rowling?” and on and on and on until you feel intimidated at your own – the word the Gremlin is whispering is probably ‘recklessness’ or ‘selfishness.’

The Gremlin is the world’s expert in

Read moreDo you want to make changes? Yes? No? Yes? No?

How changing my story changed my life

hHere’s a question: What story are you telling yourself about yourself?

We have stories we tell ourselves about anything and everything – ourselves, other people and life in general. A personal favourite of mine is the ‘helpless’ story. This one is

– or could have been – mine:

“After 37 years, I decided I deserved better and finally left my marriage.

Of course, it was his fault. I had a list of complaints as long as my arm: everything he said or didn’t say; everything he did or didn’t do – that left me feeling resentful, frustrated, angry and hurt.

People I thought were friends walked away.  I felt abandoned. I kept talking about my feelings all the time; I just couldn’t help it. It all seemed so unfair.”

Here’s

Read moreHow changing my story changed my life

You can choose how to age

Many people find the idea of growing older quite daunting. They believe that ageing means both physical and mental decline, one that starts right after they retire. What nonsense!

The older person isn’t the only one who believes it’s all the way to ‘the Pearly Gates’, as Felicity (not her real name), one member of my u3a group (University of the Third Age) put it when she first joined my Life Enhancing Group that I run in Twickenham almost a year ago. Their families seem to believe it too.  By the way, Felicity has completely turned her mindset around and is now a joy to behold!

FlowerbedGrace (not her real name), another member, told us that her daughter

Read moreYou can choose how to age

Never have grotty relationships again!

I was recently talking with Sally (not her real name), a friend of mine. She’s a lovely person, the kind that is always there for you. The trouble is, she’s always complaining that she doesn’t get much back so she tends to end up exhausted and resentful.

"After all I've done for them!"
“After all I’ve done for them!”

Sally is a people-pleaser, trying to be all things to all people but, as I’ve said to her again and again – it’s clearly not working for her. Bottom line, she’s not a happy woman. And she’s definitely not the only one.

Read moreNever have grotty relationships again!

Is this how you’re creating your life?

You should visit more often!
You should visit more often!

One of the things we often do as we grow older is looking back at our life and relationships and wonder, “what have I done to deserve this?! I’m a good person! What am I doing wrong?!” Sometimes you also think, “After all I’ve done for them!”

It’s frustrating, I know. So here’s a hint.

Take a look at your expectations. How do you identify your expectations? You recognise them when you

Read moreIs this how you’re creating your life?

Prove the world wrong! Here’s how

I keep hearing over and over again from many of my women clients who have been retired for a year or two (or sometimes longer) that the world seems to think that, once you’re retired, your brain turns off, your body shrivels up like a prune and you become invisible. My concern is that, when people keep expecting you to slow down, sooner or later you may give in to their expectations. Don’t do it! Fight back! Here’s how:

Words matter

There seems to be something about the

Read moreProve the world wrong! Here’s how

Is there anything you have left unsaid?

About a month ago I received a call from the manager of the Spanish guesthouse where Jim, my ex-husband, lived the last few years to let me know that he’d died from a heart attack.

My first reaction was disbelief. He couldn’t be dead! He was only 79! The first few days I felt numb.

9 years ago, shortly before I turned 60, I’d left my marriage of 37 years. But, over the last few years we stayed in touch supporting each other in a variety of ways. That’s 46 years.

I wish I'd said...
I wish I’d said…

As I grieved I began to wonder if I’d left anything unsaid. Were there any loose ends? Did I have cause for regret?

For most of our marriage and for

Read moreIs there anything you have left unsaid?

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