Trust and Betrayal

I have just come out of a challenging period where I found out that three people I trusted have betrayed me.

Each case was very different:

One was a solicitor whose appalling service caused me a lot of suffering and I felt compelled to hold him to account. The other was someone I believed to be a friend and the third one was someone I had worked with and came to care for.

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Scared of Conflict?

My parents’ experience of war and their enforced dependence on other people’s goodwill caused them to instil into me the importance of getting people to like me. My very survival might depend on it, they said again and again. I grew up with that belief deeply embedded into me and I invested a great deal of effort into presenting myself in a way that I believed would appeal to others, get them to like me, give me work, even love me.

It is, therefore, not surprising that, for most of my adult life, I was not only intent on being all things

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Feeling Anxious and Confused?

Are you feeling anxious and confused? If so, I have a radical proposition for you: Confusion is the foundation of creativity.

Ask anyone how they feel about it and they’re likely exclaim, ‘It’s horrible!’, as they thrash about in uncertainty and not knowing which way to turn.

Not knowing is deeply uncomfortable and there is an urge in us that drives us to fill the gap with something – anything. The relief of ‘knowing’ can be huge but fatal because it leads us towards mediocrity.

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Are Affairs Just a Bit of Harmless Fun?

I never really thought that affairs were a bit of harmless fun. Nevertheless, what drove me to embark on the two I had in my 37 year long relationship was a deep sense of loneliness. Both men had shown a keen interest in me, listened to me and thought that what I had to say was really interesting. But are affairs just a bit of harmless fun even if they satisfied some of my deepest needs?

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The Power of Love and Kindness

The very mention of ‘the unseen world’ is likely to conjure up images of the supernatural or metaphysical.

My observation – if I may call it that – of the unseen world lies much closer to home. In fact, it lies within us – unseen worlds such as ‘love’, ‘truth’, ‘integrity’, ‘kindness’, ‘thoughtfulness’, are all unseen until we choose to express them. The same, of course, applies to the other, dark, unseen world such as ‘hate’, ‘fear’, ‘anger’, and so on. As humans, we have the capacity to experience and manifest both kinds of unseen worlds, the light and the dark.

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What’s Wrong with Having Expectations? (Part 1)

Expectations are like a double-edged sword – some are absolutely appropriate, even helpful, some are out of date and some are positively harmful.

As clients begin working with me and begin to learn to know themselves better they start to notice their expectations – the ones that work well for them and the ones that don’t.

They not only come to see how they expect to be treated and feel unable to do anything

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What’s Wrong With Having Expectations? (Part 2)

If you ever wondered why your life or parts of your life look and feel the way they do (not good) then it might be worth your while to look at your expectations. Generally speaking, our expectations are based on our beliefs and the main problem with this is that, using the iceberg analogy, 90{509b47edb39580d18b421650a9afc13f20dee849390ba171835b35368c323263} of our beliefs and expectations tend to be hidden from our awareness while we tend to regard the remaining 10{509b47edb39580d18b421650a9afc13f20dee849390ba171835b35368c323263}, the ones we are aware of, as valid and realistic.

What’s wrong with having expectations? The problem with expectations in general and the ones outside the field of our awareness in particular is that they are in the driving seat when it comes to creating our life experience, not us.

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How to Transform Your Relationships

I was brought up to always be friendly, agreeable, charming and cheerful. My parents believed that my very survival depended on people liking me and being a people pleaser was, clearly, the way to be accepted, acceptable and liked.

I grew up, got married and over the years I developed a variety of friendships of varying degrees of superficiality.

I worked as hard as I could at all these relationships. One of the approaches I had developed was to avoid conflict at all cost. I actually believed that conflict signified the end of a relationship, that if I ever told someone how I really felt, they would walk away and I’d be alone – forever. This “walking away” might be physical or psychological.

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