How changing my story changed my life

hHere’s a question: What story are you telling yourself about yourself?

We have stories we tell ourselves about anything and everything – ourselves, other people and life in general. A personal favourite of mine is the ‘helpless’ story. This one is

– or could have been – mine:

“After 37 years, I decided I deserved better and finally left my marriage.

Of course, it was his fault. I had a list of complaints as long as my arm: everything he said or didn’t say; everything he did or didn’t do – that left me feeling resentful, frustrated, angry and hurt.

People I thought were friends walked away.  I felt abandoned. I kept talking about my feelings all the time; I just couldn’t help it. It all seemed so unfair.”

Here’s

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Love as Burden

We tend to believe that loving somebody is a straight-forward thing to do. It is not. It is intricately complex, bound up in all kinds of values and beliefs about how love should be expressed in different situations and with different people.

However, there is one aspect of loving – apart from with children – which could be more widely applied. Those of us who read spiritual literature invariably come across the injunction that we need to love unconditionally. This is something I have always resisted, even resented.

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Trust and Betrayal

I have just come out of a challenging period where I found out that three people I trusted have betrayed me.

Each case was very different:

One was a solicitor whose appalling service caused me a lot of suffering and I felt compelled to hold him to account. The other was someone I believed to be a friend and the third one was someone I had worked with and came to care for.

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Scared of Conflict?

My parents’ experience of war and their enforced dependence on other people’s goodwill caused them to instil into me the importance of getting people to like me. My very survival might depend on it, they said again and again. I grew up with that belief deeply embedded into me and I invested a great deal of effort into presenting myself in a way that I believed would appeal to others, get them to like me, give me work, even love me.

It is, therefore, not surprising that, for most of my adult life, I was not only intent on being all things

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Feeling Anxious and Confused?

Are you feeling anxious and confused? If so, I have a radical proposition for you: Confusion is the foundation of creativity.

Ask anyone how they feel about it and they’re likely exclaim, ‘It’s horrible!’, as they thrash about in uncertainty and not knowing which way to turn.

Not knowing is deeply uncomfortable and there is an urge in us that drives us to fill the gap with something – anything. The relief of ‘knowing’ can be huge but fatal because it leads us towards mediocrity.

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Are Affairs Just a Bit of Harmless Fun?

I never really thought that affairs were a bit of harmless fun. Nevertheless, what drove me to embark on the two I had in my 37 year long relationship was a deep sense of loneliness. Both men had shown a keen interest in me, listened to me and thought that what I had to say was really interesting. But are affairs just a bit of harmless fun even if they satisfied some of my deepest needs?

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The Power of Love and Kindness

The very mention of ‘the unseen world’ is likely to conjure up images of the supernatural or metaphysical.

My observation – if I may call it that – of the unseen world lies much closer to home. In fact, it lies within us – unseen worlds such as ‘love’, ‘truth’, ‘integrity’, ‘kindness’, ‘thoughtfulness’, are all unseen until we choose to express them. The same, of course, applies to the other, dark, unseen world such as ‘hate’, ‘fear’, ‘anger’, and so on. As humans, we have the capacity to experience and manifest both kinds of unseen worlds, the light and the dark.

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What’s Wrong with Having Expectations? (Part 1)

Expectations are like a double-edged sword – some are absolutely appropriate, even helpful, some are out of date and some are positively harmful.

As clients begin working with me and begin to learn to know themselves better they start to notice their expectations – the ones that work well for them and the ones that don’t.

They not only come to see how they expect to be treated and feel unable to do anything

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