Why you should have a role model

I remember when I started my very first job in Human Resources.  In those days it was called Personnel Management and I was Assistant Personnel Manager.

I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to get that job.  The Personnel Manager was a man called Ron.  He looked like Santa Claus and had the kindest face.

Unfortunately, as I discovered, he was also the most racist, sexist and bigoted man I had ever met.  He was also dishonest, controlling and manipulative.  I think that about covers it.

I was green and eager to make a difference.

Read moreWhy you should have a role model

Would you say no to experiencing peace and contentment?

Would you say no if asked if you’d like to experience peace and contentment?  Silly question?

Perhaps but that’s what you say (and do) every day.

I’m not accusing you. This is just an observation.

How do I know?

I used to be just like you, unable to sit still without doing something – with my hands or with my mind.  I’d feel guilty at the very thought!

More than that, the idea of stopping and just being with myself absolutely terrified me!

And I’m not just talking about the dim and distant past.

Read moreWould you say no to experiencing peace and contentment?

Does love help prevent accidents?

On Tuesday two weeks ago, just after coming out from my dentist for my regular check-up, I tripped over a raised slab on the pavement and fell heavily on my face.

One of my front teeth was pushed down so it touched my lip.  I was unable to close my mouth, I badly hurt my wrist trying to buffer my fall, I bruised my ribs so it hurt to breathe, and I was generally bruised and sore.

As I lay there, face down, unable to move, a kind soul turned me over gently and, with the help of a second Good Samaritan, they carefully sat me against the wall.  All I could think of at that moment was my tooth, especially since I was less than 5 minutes away from my dentist’s surgery.

Read moreDoes love help prevent accidents?

If you think feeling confident is something airy fairy, think again

It lately occurred to me that you might wonder why the subject of feeling confident matters so much to me that keeps me coming back to it again and again.

The only answer I can give you is what it was like for me when I didn’t feel it.

The experience of my relationship with Jim, my ex-husband, had drained me of the little self-confidence I had when we married – not that I realised it at the time.

Read moreIf you think feeling confident is something airy fairy, think again

What to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed

When you’ve got a cold, the obvious thing to do is to take some cold remedy.

When you can’t sleep, the doctor might prescribe a mild sedative.

Or when you’re constantly tired then the advice is obvious:

Read moreWhat to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed

Another failed diet? Check out your relationship!

Newsflash!

Focusing on your relationship will improve your health!

Putting on weight when you worked so hard at losing it in the first place is so frustrating!

And, when your energy levels and your self-confidence are low, the quality of your life as a whole is affected.

Read moreAnother failed diet? Check out your relationship!

What happens during an exploratory conversation?

One of the first questions people tend to ask when they call me to enquire about my offer for a free exploratory conversation is,

“What happens during that conversation?”

It’s so common that I thought I’d write a blog about what actually goes on in an exploratory or chemistry session.

Purpose

The idea behind such a conversation is to clarify where you’re now – what your current situation is, how you feel about it, what you might already have tried to make things better, what worked, what didn’t and why.

If you tried something and it worked why did you stop?  Perhaps it wasn’t enough or you did sort out that particular situation but a new one popped up.  This is your chance to find out.

Read moreWhat happens during an exploratory conversation?

5 Ways to rediscover your love for your partner

You may have been feeling dissatisfied in your relationship focusing on all the kinds of things that irritate you about your partner and everything that’s missing but has it occurred to you that you can change all that, that you can – if you’re willing – rediscover your love for your partner?

Believe it or not, that’s a choice, a decision you can make right here, right now.

Chances are that it’s not just you who’re feeling unappreciated, taken for granted, hurt and resentful, that your partner feels as you do with neither one of you having felt able to express your feelings in such a way that the other can hear.

Chances are that your habits of criticising, defending, blaming and going on the counter-attack have led you to this place where you’re both feeling unloved and perhaps even lonely in your relationship.

If you’ve had enough then this is your chance to change things by doing something different:

Read more5 Ways to rediscover your love for your partner

I’m looking for happy couples for my next book!

Hello everybody!

It occurred to me that, when it comes to sharing with you what I learned that does and does not work in a relationship, I’ve turned to my own experience.

While this is a valid approach, I’ve decided to make my next book about you because, obviously, mine isn’t the only way.

I’m keen to to hear from those of you who have been happily married for at least 20 years and learn about (and share) your experience of how you built your relationship so that it stood the test of time.

More details below:

Read moreI’m looking for happy couples for my next book!

What has love and happiness got to do with your health and wellbeing?

I recently gave a talk about how I met my ex-husband, Jim.  As I began to develop the story it brought back an important memory which I would like to share with you.

The real story doesn’t actually start when I first met Jim.  It started with the kind of young woman I was – insecure, unsure of her attractiveness and lovability.

As a result, I made some very poor choices, the worst of which was the choice of life partner.

Having made my choice, I stayed in my marriage for 37 years, despite the bitter disappointment and emotional pain, and the only way I could do so was by pretending it wasn’t all that bad.

This is called ‘being in denial’ and I became so good at it that I actually came to believe my own deceptions.

But here’s the thing.

Read moreWhat has love and happiness got to do with your health and wellbeing?

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