The first time I experienced being truly listened to, heard and understood was when I was doing my coaching training. We would be put in groups of three – the coach, the client and the observer, and then take it in turns so that everybody got experience with one of the roles. That short experience was awesome – I had never experienced anything like it before. Over the years I’ve noticed that few people actually listen to each other. It’s even worse when they’re in a fight. Then they both shout … [Read more...] about How to become intimate: listen!
Feeling invisible can be very debilitating. I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like to feel unseen, unheard, even unloved? This feeling of being invisible often seems to strike once women in particular retire. I recently started working with Sonia (not her real name). Sonia is 71, her husband is 74 and they’ve been married 41 years. When we … [Read more...] about If you want to rekindle a relationship, try this
A favourite refrain of my parents’ when I wanted to do something or other that didn’t meet with their approval was, “What will the neighbours say?” The idea that I had to make sure I did nothing that might … [Read more...] about What stops you from being true to yourself
The idea that you can feel powerful doesn’t sit comfortably, especially if you are a woman. It’s a word most people usually associated with men. So when I suggest to a client that she’s more powerful than she imagines, the reaction is ambivalent. That changes when I go on to describe my definition of what it means to be powerful: To have the ability to influence, to make things happen, to make a difference. … [Read more...] about The beauty of power and how to get more of it
Today I’m going to make two recommendations that appear to be in direct conflict with each other: Recommendation No. 1: Don’t try to change other people. Not only does it not work; it creates resentment and distance. … [Read more...] about Changing other people is a skill that can be learned. Here’s how…
Did you know that the quality of your environment – where you live, what you do, the friends you have, how you get on with your family, in short, your life and all your relationships – they all start in your head, with your thoughts. Your thoughts are a reflection of how you see yourself, whether you like and trust yourself or not, how you perceive other people and how you interpret everything that happens to you. I had a hugely significant experience a few years ago. I’d been struggling to … [Read more...] about If you’d like to know how to change your environment, here’s how