Do you trust yourself? No? Then here’s what you can do

I was on the bus and unintentionally listening to two women talking.  It sounded like a fairly intimate conversation.  Obviously, I did not turn around.

One was telling the other that she’d been offered what sounded like a great job but wasn’t sure whether or not to take it because she’d had made quite a few mistakes in the past and didn’t exactly trust her judgement.

The friend was trying to reassure her.

That got me thinking about self-trust, something that took me years to develop.

For many years my track record left a lot to be desired.

I mean, would you trust somebody who went after a man just to see if she can make him fall in love with her and then married him?

Read moreDo you trust yourself? No? Then here’s what you can do

If you don’t like your life as it is, why not create a different future? Here’s how

You don’t know what you don’t know, do you?  I had no idea that my life could be any different.  This is what it looked like the last 6 or 7 years of my marriage:

I get up, I have breakfast, I go to work, I do my job, I go back home, I have something to eat that Jim microwaved, we watch the telly, I go to bed.

I get up, I have breakfast, I go to work, I do my job, I go back home, I have something to eat that Jim microwaved, we watch the telly, I go to bed.

Read moreIf you don’t like your life as it is, why not create a different future? Here’s how

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 7)

Last week, in Part 6, I talked the importance of being good to yourself and why, according to Rick Hanson in ‘The Buddha Brain’, this is such an important way to reprogram your brain.

In this last post of the series, I want to explore what it means to assert yourself which is another way of being good to yourself.

What does it look like when you’re asserting yourself and what role does it play in reprogramming your brain?

To truly assert yourself you need to come from a place of virtue which simply means from a place where your intention is to do no harm.

When you make ‘doing no harm’ your intention (see Part 5, intentions and perseverance), it becomes a way of relating not only to others whoever they may be – partner, children, family, friends or work colleagues but doing no harm to yourself either.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 7)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 6)

Last week, in Part 5, I talked about two things, both of which go hand in hand:

  1. Intentions
  2. Perseverance

But there is something else which is equally important.

Reprogramming your brain also involves keeping your emotional engine topped up.

This is something I mentioned many times in the past but always in the context of nourishing yourself and keeping your emotional engine topped up to enable you to continue to give with an open heart.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 6)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 5)

Last week, in Part 4, I explained what stops you from moving forward and from making small changes even when you know you would be happier and more fulfilled if you did.

Resistance to change is a powerful obstacle but, whichever type of resistance I described last week you fall into, the suggestions I offered will maximise your chances of succeeding in your efforts.

Building on last week’s blog this week I would like to explore two things, both of which go hand in hand:

    1. Intentions
    2. Perseverance

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 5)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage (Part 3)

Last week, in Part 2, I suggested an exercise that encouraged you to deliberately look for positive facts and then turn those factual events into experiences – making it a point to savour and enjoy every aspect of each one of them.

Today I thought I’d share with you one of my own experiences but, before I do, let me tell you what the longer term consequences are.

The experience I’ll describe in a moment has huge benefits which go beyond the actual immediate enjoyment.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage (Part 3)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 2)

Building on my introduction – or teaser – from last week, I’d like to start by describing the kind of journey you’re embarking on – but first, a word of warning:

You’ll need to stick at it, something which is not always easy.  But, if you do, the rewards are amazing.

This is not just about rebuilding your self-confidence but about developing the inner peace that comes with letting go of the trivial stuff that overwhelm us with anxiety and guilt. 

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 2)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

This is the first of a series of blogs about a subject that is close to my heart:

How we sabotage our confidence and what we can do about it.

Here’s an example:

I’ve always preferred being in small groups, ideally just one or two other friends.  Larger groups make me feel uncomfortable.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

What if your body were your best friend?

So here I am, still in my mid-fifties and experiencing episodes of severe lower back pain and a pain in my left knee both of which are making my life anything from uncomfortable to miserable.

My GP has little comfort to offer other than to learn to live with it and take painkillers when necessary.  Sadly, they have only limited success.

As I’m telling a friend about it she makes a suggestion which strikes me as absolutely bizarre.

“Ask your pain why it’s there”, she suggests. “What is it trying to tell you?  See if you can associate it with a particular emotion.”

As you would expect, I pooh-pooh the idea and put it out of my head.

Read moreWhat if your body were your best friend?

Would you say no to experiencing peace and contentment?

Would you say no if asked if you’d like to experience peace and contentment?  Silly question?

Perhaps but that’s what you say (and do) every day.

I’m not accusing you. This is just an observation.

How do I know?

I used to be just like you, unable to sit still without doing something – with my hands or with my mind.  I’d feel guilty at the very thought!

More than that, the idea of stopping and just being with myself absolutely terrified me!

And I’m not just talking about the dim and distant past.

Read moreWould you say no to experiencing peace and contentment?

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