The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 6)

Last week, in Part 5, I talked about two things, both of which go hand in hand:

  1. Intentions
  2. Perseverance

But there is something else which is equally important.

Reprogramming your brain also involves keeping your emotional engine topped up.

This is something I mentioned many times in the past but always in the context of nourishing yourself and keeping your emotional engine topped up to enable you to continue to give with an open heart.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 6)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 5)

Last week, in Part 4, I explained what stops you from moving forward and from making small changes even when you know you would be happier and more fulfilled if you did.

Resistance to change is a powerful obstacle but, whichever type of resistance I described last week you fall into, the suggestions I offered will maximise your chances of succeeding in your efforts.

Building on last week’s blog this week I would like to explore two things, both of which go hand in hand:

    1. Intentions
    2. Perseverance

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 5)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage (Part 3)

Last week, in Part 2, I suggested an exercise that encouraged you to deliberately look for positive facts and then turn those factual events into experiences – making it a point to savour and enjoy every aspect of each one of them.

Today I thought I’d share with you one of my own experiences but, before I do, let me tell you what the longer term consequences are.

The experience I’ll describe in a moment has huge benefits which go beyond the actual immediate enjoyment.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage (Part 3)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 2)

Building on my introduction – or teaser – from last week, I’d like to start by describing the kind of journey you’re embarking on – but first, a word of warning:

You’ll need to stick at it, something which is not always easy.  But, if you do, the rewards are amazing.

This is not just about rebuilding your self-confidence but about developing the inner peace that comes with letting go of the trivial stuff that overwhelm us with anxiety and guilt. 

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 2)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

This is the first of a series of blogs about a subject that is close to my heart:

How we sabotage our confidence and what we can do about it.

Here’s an example:

I’ve always preferred being in small groups, ideally just one or two other friends.  Larger groups make me feel uncomfortable.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

What if your body were your best friend?

So here I am, still in my mid-fifties and experiencing episodes of severe lower back pain and a pain in my left knee both of which are making my life anything from uncomfortable to miserable.

My GP has little comfort to offer other than to learn to live with it and take painkillers when necessary.  Sadly, they have only limited success.

As I’m telling a friend about it she makes a suggestion which strikes me as absolutely bizarre.

“Ask your pain why it’s there”, she suggests. “What is it trying to tell you?  See if you can associate it with a particular emotion.”

As you would expect, I pooh-pooh the idea and put it out of my head.

Read moreWhat if your body were your best friend?

Would you say no to experiencing peace and contentment?

Would you say no if asked if you’d like to experience peace and contentment?  Silly question?

Perhaps but that’s what you say (and do) every day.

I’m not accusing you. This is just an observation.

How do I know?

I used to be just like you, unable to sit still without doing something – with my hands or with my mind.  I’d feel guilty at the very thought!

More than that, the idea of stopping and just being with myself absolutely terrified me!

And I’m not just talking about the dim and distant past.

Read moreWould you say no to experiencing peace and contentment?

Does love help prevent accidents?

On Tuesday two weeks ago, just after coming out from my dentist for my regular check-up, I tripped over a raised slab on the pavement and fell heavily on my face.

One of my front teeth was pushed down so it touched my lip.  I was unable to close my mouth, I badly hurt my wrist trying to buffer my fall, I bruised my ribs so it hurt to breathe, and I was generally bruised and sore.

As I lay there, face down, unable to move, a kind soul turned me over gently and, with the help of a second Good Samaritan, they carefully sat me against the wall.  All I could think of at that moment was my tooth, especially since I was less than 5 minutes away from my dentist’s surgery.

Read moreDoes love help prevent accidents?

If you think feeling confident is something airy fairy, think again

It lately occurred to me that you might wonder why the subject of feeling confident matters so much to me that keeps me coming back to it again and again.

The only answer I can give you is what it was like for me when I didn’t feel it.

The experience of my relationship with Jim, my ex-husband, had drained me of the little self-confidence I had when we married – not that I realised it at the time.

Read moreIf you think feeling confident is something airy fairy, think again

Why expressing love in your relationship is not as easy as you might think

Jim, my ex husband, was my first real relationship and I was his. Neither one of us knew anything about expressing love.

We believed that love was just a feeling.

If being with Paul, my partner, taught me anything, it is that love is more than a feeling; it’s a verb. It’s behaviours. But not just any old behaviours.  It’s behaviours that our partner actually recognises as love.

Read moreWhy expressing love in your relationship is not as easy as you might think

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