Self-Awareness: How to Wake Up

One of the main advantages of being coached is that I’m now quicker to notice when I’m doing something that doesn’t work for me.

Two weeks ago life hit me with a huge challenge. It felt like a punch in the stomach. My instant knee-jerk reaction was to think the worst and I was plunged into a dark pit of fear and despair.

I stayed there for a whole day. Then I though, “Wait a minute. I’ve been here before – actually I’ve been here more than once and somehow I overcame the challenge. I know there’s nothing to worry about. I trust myself enough to know that I can handle it.”

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Self-Empowerment

What does it look like when you’re self-empowered?

You empower yourself when you stop blaming others for whatever it is you don’t like about your life.

When you’re self-empowered you stop believing you’re a victim of others and life’s circumstances. Most importantly, you stop expecting others to change and then feeling resentful when they don’t.

When you’re self empowered you ask for what you need and want while, at the same time, you know it’s OK for you not to get what you asked for. However, you can also decide how to react and respond when you don’t get what you want. You see options when before you thought you had none.

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Trust and Betrayal

I have just come out of a challenging period where I found out that three people I trusted have betrayed me.

Each case was very different:

One was a solicitor whose appalling service caused me a lot of suffering and I felt compelled to hold him to account. The other was someone I believed to be a friend and the third one was someone I had worked with and came to care for.

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Turmoil – Friend or Foe?

Here’s a radical proposition: Turmoil and confusion are the foundation of creativity.

Ask anyone how they feel about it and you’re likely to be told: ‘It’s horrible!’, as they thrash about in uncertainty and not knowing which way to turn. I know that feeling very well.

Not knowing is deeply uncomfortable and there is an urge in us that drives us to fill

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Personal Boundaries – How They Help You Grow

My parents’ experience of war and their enforced dependence on other people’s goodwill caused them to instil into me the importance of getting people to like me. My very survival might depend on it, they said again and again. I grew up with that belief deeply embedded into me and I invested a great deal of effort into presenting myself in a way that I believed would appeal to others, get them to like me, give me work, even love me.

It is, therefore, not surprising that, for most of my adult life, I was not only intent on being all things to

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Why My Home is Important to Me

When I finally decided to leave my marriage of 37 years I was left with a dilemma: given that we’d agreed to split everything 50-50 I had to ask myself, “where can I afford to live?”

In the year before the house we’d shared for 22 years was finally sold I had a mantra:

“I have a two bedroom flat with trees and green I can look out on, that costs £116,000 – a place where I really and truly belong – in Welwyn Garden City” – a mantra I would constantly repeat to myself.

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What Does it Mean to Tell The Truth?

Telling the truth has a bad press and most of us spend a lot of time agonizing about whether or not to tell someone the truth as we see it. The fact is that there’s only person we need to tell the truth to: ourselves.

You may find this hard to believe but, actually, we lie to ourselves all the time.

I genuinely used to believe that to tell someone how I really felt, for example, sad, angry, unhappy,

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The Downside of Expectations

Expectations are like a double-edged sword – some are absolutely appropriate, even helpful, some are out of date and some are positively harmful.

Over time, as I began to learn to know myself better I started to notice my expectations – the ones that worked well for me and the ones that didn’t.

The ones that worked well for me tended to focus on how I expected to be treated but I also used to have expectations

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Why There’s No Such Thing as Reality

As far as I know, nobody questions what is real. Reality just is. Full stop.

Ah, but is that true?

How come different people experience the same event in completely different ways?

It’s because what we believe is reality is actually a combination of how we perceive and interpret everything that happens to us. In other words, if we chose to change the way we interpret something we would experience that event differently. But, to make things a little more complicated, our perceptions

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