What Does it Mean to Tell The Truth?

Telling the truth has a bad press and most of us spend a lot of time agonizing about whether or not to tell someone the truth as we see it. The fact is that there’s only person we need to tell the truth to: ourselves.

You may find this hard to believe but, actually, we lie to ourselves all the time.

I genuinely used to believe that to tell someone how I really felt, for example, sad, angry, unhappy,

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The Downside of Expectations

Expectations are like a double-edged sword – some are absolutely appropriate, even helpful, some are out of date and some are positively harmful.

Over time, as I began to learn to know myself better I started to notice my expectations – the ones that worked well for me and the ones that didn’t.

The ones that worked well for me tended to focus on how I expected to be treated but I also used to have expectations

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Why There’s No Such Thing as Reality

As far as I know, nobody questions what is real. Reality just is. Full stop.

Ah, but is that true?

How come different people experience the same event in completely different ways?

It’s because what we believe is reality is actually a combination of how we perceive and interpret everything that happens to us. In other words, if we chose to change the way we interpret something we would experience that event differently. But, to make things a little more complicated, our perceptions

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Why do I Love Cooking

Cooking has always been a hobby of mine but over the last few years I’ve noticed a difference in my attitude about what cooking actually means to me.

One of the non-negotiable criteria that guided the choice of my home (the one that would make my heart beat faster) when I was still house hunting was that it had to have a dining room. That’s the space where I would invite my friends and people I really like and prepare something that I hope they will enjoy.

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What Does It Mean to Be Responsible?

I was stewing again. I felt angry, frustrated and resentful. How many times did I tell him?! How many more times would I have to tell him?!

Not only doesn’t he do what I tell him, he made me into a nag and I hate being a nag! And it’s his fault because, if he did it straight away I wouldn’t have to nag him, wouldn’t I?!?!

Looking back with the benefit of 20-20 hindsight vision I can see most

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What Does It Mean to Be Strong?

One of the things that used to be really important to me was to be seen as strong and independent.

So, when the thought would flit through my mind that I really could use help, my inner dialogue would go into overdrive:

  • “They have enough on their plate.”
  • “I don’t want to be a burden.”
  • “I don’t want them to think I’m needy or demanding.”

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What Does It Mean to Take Responsibility?

It has been said that one definition of insanity is doing the same things again and again expecting different results – which is what most of us do. But why do we carry on doing what clearly doesn’t work?

The answer is simple: it’s because we don’t know what else to do.

For me, there would always come a point after yet one other event or interaction that “breaks the camel’s back” when I finally exclaim to myself “there has to be another way!” Over time I have discovered that, yes, there is.

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If You Don’t Expect Anything, You Can’t Be Disappointed

“If you don’t expect anything, you can’t end up disappointed”, my friend said. Does this sound familiar?
I used to say this a lot and, guess what?, I ended up with very little and that never stopped me from feeling disappointed.

Over time, I began to have dreams. I began to see a clear purpose to my life and I began to want more. That’s when my life changed. The most important thing I discovered was that the quality of my life starts with me, being clear about what really matters to me and then talking about it to friends, interested strangers, even those

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Can You Make a Difference? (Part 1)

When I first came across this question many years ago my reaction was “No, I can’t. How could I? It’s just me and nothing I do will make any difference.”

But that was then and this is now. Now I know better.

The first time I realised I can make a difference was when I was doing tele-selling. I was feeling resentful that financial circumstances forced me to do a job I despised. I told myself I was meant for better things!

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