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Most people tend to believe that true confidence is something you have all the time. The other thing they often believe is that confidence is the same as having a positive self-image. A positive self-image can, however, get in the way of genuine confidence.

Self image is how we see ourselves which includes what we look like, how we see our personality, what kind of person we think we are and how much we like ourselves. Our self image is generally bound up with (more…)

Expectations are like a double-edged sword – some are absolutely appropriate, even helpful, some are out of date and some are positively harmful.

As clients begin working with me and begin to learn to know themselves better they start to notice their expectations – the ones that work well for them and the ones that don’t.

They not only come to see how they expect to be treated and feel unable to do anything (more…)

If you ever wondered why your life or parts of your life look and feel the way they do (not good) then it might be worth your while to look at your expectations. Generally speaking, our expectations are based on our beliefs and the main problem with this is that, using the iceberg analogy, 90% of our beliefs and expectations tend to be hidden from our awareness while we tend to regard the remaining 10%, the ones we are aware of, as valid and realistic.

What’s wrong with having expectations? The problem with expectations in general and the ones outside the field of our awareness in particular is that they are in the driving seat when it comes to creating our life experience, not us. (more…)

I was brought up to always be friendly, agreeable, charming and cheerful. My parents believed that my very survival depended on people liking me and being a people pleaser was, clearly, the way to be accepted, acceptable and liked.

I grew up, got married and over the years I developed a variety of friendships of varying degrees of superficiality.

I worked as hard as I could at all these relationships. One of the approaches I had developed was to avoid conflict at all cost. I actually believed that conflict signified the end of a relationship, that if I ever told someone how I really felt, they would walk away and I’d be alone – forever. This “walking away” might be physical or psychological. (more…)

I was brought up to believe that other people’s needs and desires always came first, especially when they conflicted with mine. As a result of this, two things happened:

  1. I was often out of touch with my own needs and desires, and
  2. When I did recognise them I was either too afraid of expressing them or diluted them in such a way that they mostly went unheard.

(more…)