How this simple phrase stopped a fight before it started

Paul and I were having one of our stimulating conversations which I really enjoy when he, unexpectedly, asked me, “Do you regard yourself as a strong woman?”

Without the slightest hesitation I firmly replied, “Absolutely!”  He looked sceptical and commented, “Actually, I don’t think so.”

In years gone by I would immediately have felt defensive and challenged him, “What do you mean!  Are you suggesting I’m weak?!”

But I didn’t.  Instead I remembered another conversation with a woman friend many years ago.

Read moreHow this simple phrase stopped a fight before it started

Use baby steps and achieve your dreams!

It is the end of the week and I was thinking about how little I had achieved.

Last Friday I completed my biggest project so far – developing a workshop for Surrey University – and sent it in.  Now I’m been feeling a bit aimless.  “What next?”, I wonder.

My ‘to-do’ list for this week was unusually short and so, the end of the week arrives and I’m thinking how little of any use I’ve actually done.

It then occurred to me to look back and this is what I noticed.

Earlier this month I’d written an article about sex in later years for Goldie magazine, a new magazine due to be launched in October.

Read moreUse baby steps and achieve your dreams!

How to really listen and make people fall in love with you

I’d been married about 20 years, feeling unloved and unimportant when I met a man at one of the workshops I liked to attend.

His name was Bob (not his real name) and we were working in the same group.  He appeared to be bowled over by me, a real novelty for me.  Nobody had ever been bowled over by me before and my marriage wasn’t exactly conducive to me thinking of myself as an attractive woman.

But that wasn’t the thing that struck me about him.  It was that he found me interesting! That was even more of a novelty for me!

Is it any wonder that I fell head over heels in love with him?  Well, I didn’t exactly fall in love with him but I did go to bed with him – not because of the sex but because I’d felt lonely and practically invisible for such a long time and here was a man who really listened to me.

Read moreHow to really listen and make people fall in love with you

Do you trust yourself? No? Then here’s what you can do

I was on the bus and unintentionally listening to two women talking.  It sounded like a fairly intimate conversation.  Obviously, I did not turn around.

One was telling the other that she’d been offered what sounded like a great job but wasn’t sure whether or not to take it because she’d had made quite a few mistakes in the past and didn’t exactly trust her judgement.

The friend was trying to reassure her.

That got me thinking about self-trust, something that took me years to develop.

For many years my track record left a lot to be desired.

I mean, would you trust somebody who went after a man just to see if she can make him fall in love with her and then married him?

Read moreDo you trust yourself? No? Then here’s what you can do

Do self-fulfilling prophecies work?

I’ve got a mystery for you:

Why is it that I keep meeting really wonderful people?  How come that most people I come across are kind, friendly, helpful and thoughtful?

That goes for strangers, fleeting relationships as well as friendships.

And here’s another one:

Read moreDo self-fulfilling prophecies work?

If you don’t like your life as it is, why not create a different future? Here’s how

You don’t know what you don’t know, do you?  I had no idea that my life could be any different.  This is what it looked like the last 6 or 7 years of my marriage:

I get up, I have breakfast, I go to work, I do my job, I go back home, I have something to eat that Jim microwaved, we watch the telly, I go to bed.

I get up, I have breakfast, I go to work, I do my job, I go back home, I have something to eat that Jim microwaved, we watch the telly, I go to bed.

Read moreIf you don’t like your life as it is, why not create a different future? Here’s how

Why I still regret not having had that conversation

I’ve discovered that one of the things that happens when I’m in the process of learning something new is that it also brings back memories.

This one is about the time when I was literally caught in a bitter conflict with my parents.

I was 32 years old and had been married 11 years. You’d think by then I’d be my own woman, confidently making my own choices and being clear about how I wanted to live my life.  But, as we all know, life is never that simple.

Read moreWhy I still regret not having had that conversation

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 7)

Last week, in Part 6, I talked the importance of being good to yourself and why, according to Rick Hanson in ‘The Buddha Brain’, this is such an important way to reprogram your brain.

In this last post of the series, I want to explore what it means to assert yourself which is another way of being good to yourself.

What does it look like when you’re asserting yourself and what role does it play in reprogramming your brain?

To truly assert yourself you need to come from a place of virtue which simply means from a place where your intention is to do no harm.

When you make ‘doing no harm’ your intention (see Part 5, intentions and perseverance), it becomes a way of relating not only to others whoever they may be – partner, children, family, friends or work colleagues but doing no harm to yourself either.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 7)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 6)

Last week, in Part 5, I talked about two things, both of which go hand in hand:

  1. Intentions
  2. Perseverance

But there is something else which is equally important.

Reprogramming your brain also involves keeping your emotional engine topped up.

This is something I mentioned many times in the past but always in the context of nourishing yourself and keeping your emotional engine topped up to enable you to continue to give with an open heart.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 6)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 5)

Last week, in Part 4, I explained what stops you from moving forward and from making small changes even when you know you would be happier and more fulfilled if you did.

Resistance to change is a powerful obstacle but, whichever type of resistance I described last week you fall into, the suggestions I offered will maximise your chances of succeeding in your efforts.

Building on last week’s blog this week I would like to explore two things, both of which go hand in hand:

    1. Intentions
    2. Perseverance

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 5)

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