What’s Wrong with Having Expectations? (Part 1)

Expectations are like a double-edged sword – some are absolutely appropriate, even helpful, some are out of date and some are positively harmful.

As clients begin working with me and begin to learn to know themselves better they start to notice their expectations – the ones that work well for them and the ones that don’t.

They not only come to see how they expect to be treated and feel unable to do anything

Read moreWhat’s Wrong with Having Expectations? (Part 1)

What’s Wrong With Having Expectations? (Part 2)

If you ever wondered why your life or parts of your life look and feel the way they do (not good) then it might be worth your while to look at your expectations. Generally speaking, our expectations are based on our beliefs and the main problem with this is that, using the iceberg analogy, 90{509b47edb39580d18b421650a9afc13f20dee849390ba171835b35368c323263} of our beliefs and expectations tend to be hidden from our awareness while we tend to regard the remaining 10{509b47edb39580d18b421650a9afc13f20dee849390ba171835b35368c323263}, the ones we are aware of, as valid and realistic.

What’s wrong with having expectations? The problem with expectations in general and the ones outside the field of our awareness in particular is that they are in the driving seat when it comes to creating our life experience, not us.

Read moreWhat’s Wrong With Having Expectations? (Part 2)

How to Transform Your Relationships

I was brought up to always be friendly, agreeable, charming and cheerful. My parents believed that my very survival depended on people liking me and being a people pleaser was, clearly, the way to be accepted, acceptable and liked.

I grew up, got married and over the years I developed a variety of friendships of varying degrees of superficiality.

I worked as hard as I could at all these relationships. One of the approaches I had developed was to avoid conflict at all cost. I actually believed that conflict signified the end of a relationship, that if I ever told someone how I really felt, they would walk away and I’d be alone – forever. This “walking away” might be physical or psychological.

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Where there’s a will there’s a way

I was brought up to believe that other people’s needs and desires always came first, especially when they conflicted with mine. As a result of this, two things happened:

  1. I was often out of touch with my own needs and desires, and
  2. When I did recognise them I was either too afraid of expressing them or diluted them in such a way that they mostly went unheard.

Read moreWhere there’s a will there’s a way

Grow Your Confidence and Fabulous Relationships will Follow

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