Change Initiated by Me

Initiating change, I used to believe, would be positive and enjoyable but, in my experience, that was not always the case.

Here is an example of one particular life change I initiated (subconsciously) over a year before I took the actual step.

It was Sunday evening, and with Monday beckoning I had an unexpected and unwanted thought: “My work doesn’t fulfil me anymore.” I dismissed it instantly: “This is most inconvenient, go away!” I was 60 and planned to work until I was 65. I had a prestigious job at the Institute of Directors and I earned a very good salary.

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Why are Personal Boundaries Important?

I was brought up to always be friendly, agreeable, charming and cheerful. My parents believed that would make people like me, and people liking me was, they believed, crucial to my very survival.
I grew up, got married and, over the years, developed a variety of friendships of varying degrees of social ‘appropriateness’ and superficiality.

I worked as hard as I could at all these relationships. One of the approaches I had developed was to avoid conflict at all cost. I actually believed that conflict signified the end of a relationship, that if I ever told someone how I really felt, they would walk away and I’d be alone – forever. This ‘walking away’ might be physical or psychological.

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How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

When was the last time you beat yourself up over something? When was the last time you went round and round in your head seething about somebody who pushed some of your hot buttons, re-enacting the conversation again and again in your head, and wishing you had come up with a better put down, said something different, more clever, more cutting – more… ENOUGH!

This is your inner dialogue at work. Your inner dialogue are your thoughts that start from the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep. 

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Scared of Conflict?

My parents’ experience of war and their enforced dependence on other people’s goodwill caused them to instil into me the importance of getting people to like me. My very survival might depend on it, they said again and again. I grew up with that belief deeply embedded into me and I invested a great deal of effort into presenting myself in a way that I believed would appeal to others, get them to like me, give me work, even love me.

It is, therefore, not surprising that, for most of my adult life, I was not only intent on being all things

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Feeling Anxious and Confused?

Are you feeling anxious and confused? If so, I have a radical proposition for you: Confusion is the foundation of creativity.

Ask anyone how they feel about it and they’re likely exclaim, ‘It’s horrible!’, as they thrash about in uncertainty and not knowing which way to turn.

Not knowing is deeply uncomfortable and there is an urge in us that drives us to fill the gap with something – anything. The relief of ‘knowing’ can be huge but fatal because it leads us towards mediocrity.

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Are Affairs Just a Bit of Harmless Fun?

I never really thought that affairs were a bit of harmless fun. Nevertheless, what drove me to embark on the two I had in my 37 year long relationship was a deep sense of loneliness. Both men had shown a keen interest in me, listened to me and thought that what I had to say was really interesting. But are affairs just a bit of harmless fun even if they satisfied some of my deepest needs?

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The Power of Love and Kindness

The very mention of ‘the unseen world’ is likely to conjure up images of the supernatural or metaphysical.

My observation – if I may call it that – of the unseen world lies much closer to home. In fact, it lies within us – unseen worlds such as ‘love’, ‘truth’, ‘integrity’, ‘kindness’, ‘thoughtfulness’, are all unseen until we choose to express them. The same, of course, applies to the other, dark, unseen world such as ‘hate’, ‘fear’, ‘anger’, and so on. As humans, we have the capacity to experience and manifest both kinds of unseen worlds, the light and the dark.

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What Does Confidence Really Mean?

Most people tend to believe that true confidence is something you have all the time. The other thing they often believe is that confidence is the same as having a positive self-image. A positive self-image can, however, get in the way of genuine confidence.

Self image is how we see ourselves which includes what we look like, how we see our personality, what kind of person we think we are and how much we like ourselves. Our self image is generally bound up with

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What’s Wrong with Having Expectations? (Part 1)

Expectations are like a double-edged sword – some are absolutely appropriate, even helpful, some are out of date and some are positively harmful.

As clients begin working with me and begin to learn to know themselves better they start to notice their expectations – the ones that work well for them and the ones that don’t.

They not only come to see how they expect to be treated and feel unable to do anything

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What’s Wrong With Having Expectations? (Part 2)

If you ever wondered why your life or parts of your life look and feel the way they do (not good) then it might be worth your while to look at your expectations. Generally speaking, our expectations are based on our beliefs and the main problem with this is that, using the iceberg analogy, 90{509b47edb39580d18b421650a9afc13f20dee849390ba171835b35368c323263} of our beliefs and expectations tend to be hidden from our awareness while we tend to regard the remaining 10{509b47edb39580d18b421650a9afc13f20dee849390ba171835b35368c323263}, the ones we are aware of, as valid and realistic.

What’s wrong with having expectations? The problem with expectations in general and the ones outside the field of our awareness in particular is that they are in the driving seat when it comes to creating our life experience, not us.

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