The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 4)

Last week, in Part 3, I described in detail how I made emotional experiences from potentially fleeting positive facts and the significant health and emotional benefits that this approach brings.

As obvious as these ideas may sound, there’s a huge obstacle to overcome

Resistance to change!

I bet you’re expecting me to say that you have to wrestle with it, overcome it one way or another!

If that’s what you believe then you’d be wrong.  You can’t wrestle resistance with an act of will.  Besides, resistance is necessary for change to succeed!  Let me explain.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 4)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage (Part 3)

Last week, in Part 2, I suggested an exercise that encouraged you to deliberately look for positive facts and then turn those factual events into experiences – making it a point to savour and enjoy every aspect of each one of them.

Today I thought I’d share with you one of my own experiences but, before I do, let me tell you what the longer term consequences are.

The experience I’ll describe in a moment has huge benefits which go beyond the actual immediate enjoyment.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage (Part 3)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 2)

Building on my introduction – or teaser – from last week, I’d like to start by describing the kind of journey you’re embarking on – but first, a word of warning:

You’ll need to stick at it, something which is not always easy.  But, if you do, the rewards are amazing.

This is not just about rebuilding your self-confidence but about developing the inner peace that comes with letting go of the trivial stuff that overwhelm us with anxiety and guilt. 

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 2)

The unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

This is the first of a series of blogs about a subject that is close to my heart:

How we sabotage our confidence and what we can do about it.

Here’s an example:

I’ve always preferred being in small groups, ideally just one or two other friends.  Larger groups make me feel uncomfortable.

Read moreThe unexpected secret to self-sabotage – and how to stop it (Part 1)

What if your body were your best friend?

So here I am, still in my mid-fifties and experiencing episodes of severe lower back pain and a pain in my left knee both of which are making my life anything from uncomfortable to miserable.

My GP has little comfort to offer other than to learn to live with it and take painkillers when necessary.  Sadly, they have only limited success.

As I’m telling a friend about it she makes a suggestion which strikes me as absolutely bizarre.

“Ask your pain why it’s there”, she suggests. “What is it trying to tell you?  See if you can associate it with a particular emotion.”

As you would expect, I pooh-pooh the idea and put it out of my head.

Read moreWhat if your body were your best friend?

Why you should have a role model

I remember when I started my very first job in Human Resources.  In those days it was called Personnel Management and I was Assistant Personnel Manager.

I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to get that job.  The Personnel Manager was a man called Ron.  He looked like Santa Claus and had the kindest face.

Unfortunately, as I discovered, he was also the most racist, sexist and bigoted man I had ever met.  He was also dishonest, controlling and manipulative.  I think that about covers it.

I was green and eager to make a difference.

Read moreWhy you should have a role model

Are you unhappy in your relationship? If so, here’s what you can do about it

So you finally allowed yourself to admit it – you’re not happy in your relationship.  You can’t put your finger on what exactly is wrong but you feel the distance.  You stopped talking to each other apart from the proverbial “please pass the salt”.  You don’t really care about each other anymore.

You really don’t want to live like that any longer but how to start?

I have some good news for you – and I have some bad.  Actually, the bad news has to come first.

First, you are the one who has to take the initiative but not the initiative you imagined I’d suggest.

It’s not about talking to your partner, at least not yet.

The starting point is to take a good look at yourself.

Reflect, what is the fear – yes, the fear?

Read moreAre you unhappy in your relationship? If so, here’s what you can do about it

If you’ve ever struggled with letting go, here’s why

We don’t know what we don’t know.  This statement may sound rather cryptic but is actually very profound.

It means that, when we’re unaware of something such as a limiting belief, we cannot make changes.  And, what’s worse, those limiting beliefs will drive our choices with disappointing results without us knowing why.

Over the years I’ve shared with you some of my poor choices – choosing my life partner, staying in a loveless marriage for as long as I did, never asking for help because I believed people would regard me as a burden and many more.

You’d think I’d be a lot more self-aware but here’s the thing.

Becoming self-aware is not a once-and-for-all event.  It’s like peeling an onion – there are always more layers to uncover!

Awareness can come in all sorts of ways – in my case, my latest collision between self-perception and reality came via a dear friend of mine.

Read moreIf you’ve ever struggled with letting go, here’s why

Would you say no to experiencing peace and contentment?

Would you say no if asked if you’d like to experience peace and contentment?  Silly question?

Perhaps but that’s what you say (and do) every day.

I’m not accusing you. This is just an observation.

How do I know?

I used to be just like you, unable to sit still without doing something – with my hands or with my mind.  I’d feel guilty at the very thought!

More than that, the idea of stopping and just being with myself absolutely terrified me!

And I’m not just talking about the dim and distant past.

Read moreWould you say no to experiencing peace and contentment?

Does love help prevent accidents?

On Tuesday two weeks ago, just after coming out from my dentist for my regular check-up, I tripped over a raised slab on the pavement and fell heavily on my face.

One of my front teeth was pushed down so it touched my lip.  I was unable to close my mouth, I badly hurt my wrist trying to buffer my fall, I bruised my ribs so it hurt to breathe, and I was generally bruised and sore.

As I lay there, face down, unable to move, a kind soul turned me over gently and, with the help of a second Good Samaritan, they carefully sat me against the wall.  All I could think of at that moment was my tooth, especially since I was less than 5 minutes away from my dentist’s surgery.

Read moreDoes love help prevent accidents?

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