7 ways to thrive in a challenging world

So there we are – or, more accurately, there I am, again.

I thought life had stopping pissing on me but no.  As I said, there I am, again.

Except this time it feels different.

Last time I felt numb, in shock.  It took me a while to recover.

This time, not only am I not in shock, I’m feeling at peace.  I know that I will overcome this latest challenge – in the face of no evidence whatsoever.  Is this hope?

So why the difference?

Read more7 ways to thrive in a challenging world

Here’s what to do when life happens

I’m currently working on a new programme to develop mental fitness in university students and it occurred to me that we would all benefit from some of the tools and resources I will be offering them. There are several sub-headings that come under the general term of mental fitness some of which I’ve been talking … Read more

If you want to know the secret to staying younger longer, read on

When I was 14 years old, my Dad asked me what I wanted to do after I finished school.  I shrugged.  He said, “In that case, you will become a trilingual secretary because you’re good at languages.”  I replied, “OK, can I go out and play now?”

And that’s how I became a secretary.  I carried on as a secretary for the next 18 years.

I had many jobs along the way.  Most were OK.  What I liked best about them was the friends I made.

Fast forward 18 years and things were changing.  Not only were there social changes as well as changes in women’s expectations; there were also changes in my personal life.

My then husband, Jim, had been very unhappy in his job in Rank Xerox in Welwyn Garden City, and had applied for a very different position in their Gloucester site.

He never gave me a thought.

Read moreIf you want to know the secret to staying younger longer, read on

How to rekindle romance no matter how long you’ve been together

On 12 September 2018 I published a blog called ‘How To Really Listen And Make People Fall In Love With You’.

It was a detailed blog about the mechanics of listening.

The ability to listen well makes such a huge difference to our relationships that I feel compelled to address it again from a slightly different angle.

What triggered this train of thought was watching Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt, his wife, being interviewed.  They are relationship gurus and have been working for decades helping couples who are struggling with their relationships.

Interestingly, they articulated what I know to be true from my own experience which is that poor communication between people leads to toxic relationships by which I mean relationships where you feel unloved, unimportant, even invisible as well as angry, frustrated and resentful.

Read moreHow to rekindle romance no matter how long you’ve been together

Next time you’re facing a serious challenge, remember this

Thank you to those of you who sent me some wonderful replies to my last blog about what to do when you experience severe setbacks.

Apart from feeling comforted from reading your encouraging comments and words of support, I also noticed that the sharp edge of my hopelessness and helplessness had dissipated.

Feeling loved, heard and understood goes a long way no matter where the love, listening  and understanding comes from – our partner, our family, our friends, even strangers.

Here are other things that have helped that might help you too when faced with serious challenges and setbacks.

Read moreNext time you’re facing a serious challenge, remember this

What to do when faced with a major setback

OK, so it’s easier said than done.

I write a lot about resilience and about the importance of keeping on keeping on.

Unfortunately, it’s always easier to write about these things when everything is going well or even relatively well.

But I’ve just been struck by a major setback and I’m in a set of shock and fear.  Now what!?

This is how I’m dealing with it.

I find that the biggest thing that is helping me right now comes from Kirsten Neff’s book ‘Self Compassion’.

Read moreWhat to do when faced with a major setback

The No. 1 secret that will enable you to persist when others give up

I recently had a conversation with a friend, a fellow coach.  She had been trying really hard for quite some time to make a go of her coaching practice but, as she told me, “No matter how hard I try, I’m unable to make a go of it.”  So she decided to stop.  It had got to the point where it was affecting her health.

Then she asked me what kept me going.

I too was struggling so I tried to put into words why I couldn’t give up but had trouble finding the right words.

But the question kept nagging at me.  It made me wonder, what makes some people keep going no matter what and others give up?

Read moreThe No. 1 secret that will enable you to persist when others give up

If you’re suffering, this may be why – and here’s what you can do about it

I recently noticed that I have more days when my back is really hurting – not as bad as it used to but it’s noticeable.

When I mentioned this to Bernie, my Alexander Technique therapist, she told me that my scoliosis was going to get worse as I grow older.

I remember when I first started working with her about 18 months ago.

My back had become more bent and I was so angry at my body! I felt it had betrayed me!

But, last week, when she alerted me to what might happen in the future, I felt totally at peace.

Read moreIf you’re suffering, this may be why – and here’s what you can do about it

3 life wisdoms that transformed my life – and how they can change yours too

I recently started reflecting how I got to where I am today and the one thing I keep coming back to is – meeting Alan, my first life coach.

His wisdom has stayed with me over the years so I thought I’d share some of them with you.

    1. The story of the plant

It’s 1996, and Alan and I are sitting in the foyer of one of those large hotels in London.  It’s one of those posh hotels with a secluded space apart from the hustle and bustle of guests checking in and out.

Alan is sitting on one of those plush sofas; I choose the armchair.  Between us is a large coffee table with a large plant, one of those real ones, not the artificial sort.

Read more3 life wisdoms that transformed my life – and how they can change yours too

How to wake up to what matters to you the most

Every week, I record one of Paul’s and mine favourite weekly television dramas.

So here we are, ready to start watching – or, at least, I am.

Paul’s looking pensive and distracted so I thought I’d wait for him to refocus.  Instead, he does something else.

He starts talking about techie stuff that I know is very close to his heart and which takes up a lot of his time, effort and attention.

My mind’s half on the programme I thought we were going to watch, and I start feeling a little impatient and put out.

Read moreHow to wake up to what matters to you the most

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