Are you the kind of person who has a dream?
That’s wonderful! You’d be amazed how many people don’t know what they want. They DO know what they DON’T want, but they DON’T know what they DO want.
Maybe you’re the kind of person who dreams and hopes with all their heart that they will come true and then, when they don’t, you’re disappointed.
Or it might be that what’s missing is that you don’t know your Big Why?
What is a Big Why?
A Big Why is something that drives you emotionally, something you can’t let go of or perhaps something that doesn’t let go of you.
A Big Why is what keeps you going even when the going gets tough. It’s something that is really, REALLY important to you.
This is something you might feel but not something you have thought of putting into words or even figured out what you might do to make it happen.
Say, your Big Why is your children. You want more than anything for them to have lives where they feel confident to pursue their highest potential, to be kind and generous but not at their own expense.
If that is you then you might like to take time to reflect how to bring your children up to become self-confident, self-sufficient, make good choices and learn to trust themselves.
You could become the kind of mum who, when their children mess up, doesn’t judge them or call them names but use those mistakes to help them to learn from them.
You could become the kind of mum / partner who is a role model for their children – so they learn from your example about kindness, self-respect, acceptance of others, and so on.
But perhaps family is not your thing.
You might have a dream of your own – to use your gifts in such a way that gives other people pleasure and enjoyment or adds value to their life in some way.
You might be great at handicraft – think of all those birthday and Christmas gifts you could make!
But perhaps you want something more. You might have suffered an experience and come out on the other side so that now you feel compelled to share it with others by way of support and encouragement.
You now know what it takes to overcome a challenge and your story could be an inspiration to others.
Those are all Big Whys.
Often, when you know what that is, it’s enough to get you going, to get you to take that first step.
The point is not what your Big Why is but that having one can transform your life by introducing passion, energy and drive.
Knowing your Big Why gives you a sense of purpose and meaning. You know why you’re so keen to get up in the morning.
But what if you don’t know what your Big Why is?
A simple way is to write down something you want.
Say you want to lose weight. This is one many people want so they start a diet and then, more often than not, fall off the waggon.
“I want to lose weight” is a good starting point but it’s not enough. Here are a couple of follow-up questions:
- WHY do you want to lose weight?
Write down your answers and keep repeating that question again and again until you run out of ideas.
- What will the weight loss give you?
You might write, “it will make me feel more confident” or “it will make me feel more attractive” or “I will be healthier”.
And even that is not enough.
Next, ask yourself, “What will I be able to do once I’m healthier that I’m not able to do now?” and “How will I feel when I’m doing (whatever it is)?” and a really important question, “How else can I get that feeling?”
For example, if you want to lose weight so you feel more attractive (unless you’re grossly overweight which is definitely not healthy) perhaps changing your hair style or colour, changing the style and colours of your clothes or changing your make-up would make you feel more confident and attractive.
Then, the question becomes, “more attractive to whom?”
Do you want to attract a new partner? Do you want to feel good about yourself? What other ways are there for you to feel good about yourself?
Or maybe the issue of weight loss is more fundamental – you might have put on weight as a result of comfort eating which means you need to look at whatever it is that is causing you enough heartache to seek refuge in food – and then dealing with that.
The fundamental answer will always be – what you can do or how you can be as a result of the change that you can’t do or be now, how you will feel as a result and whether you can achieve whatever feeling you wish to experience, for example more confident or more at peace, in a different way.
To sum up
- What do you want, for example “I want to lose weight”
- Why do you want it, for example “because I want to be healthier”
- What will you be able to be or do when you’ve achieved it, for example “I will live longer and see my children grow up”
- How will you feel, for example “I will feel happy and a sense of accomplishment”
- Can you achieve that feeling another way, for example, you can – at the same time – do other things that gives you more energy and enjoyment.
Please leave a comment. I read them all!
With love and gratitude,
P.S. My third book, ‘Open Your Heart: The 7 Secrets Of Strong And Loving Relationships’ is now on Amazon! Yay!
P.P.S. I enable women build strong and loving relationships, first with themselves and then with others. That’s because your relationship with yourself shapes all your other relationships.
If you’d like to find out how you can do that email me on firstname.lastname@example.org for a FREE one hour exploratory conversation.