How to let go of your pain

The experience of pain is a very personal one. What causes one person pain, another can handle with a shrug.

Some of the causes are significant and obvious – an affair, lies, betrayal and more.

And then there’s the kind of cause that is subtle, the kind that makes you go for a very long time wondering why you’re feeling hurt, upset, frustrated or resentful – and the drip-drip-drip effect continues until one day you wake up depleted, empty, with your self-confidence shattered and a strong feeling of unworthiness.

As with physical pain where the body twists itself in unlikely shapes in order to cope with it, we do the same with emotional pain. We try to adapt to minimise the pain so we can pretend it doesn’t really hurt – as I did for so many years.

Here are some of my coping mechanisms

  • Denial
  • Blaming Jim, my ex-husband, for my unhappiness
  • Comfort eating
  • An affair

My pain, when I finally confronted it, turned out to be emotional neglect.

These experiences need not be current. You might already have left the relationship but the fallout is still there. You’ve been hurt, you’ve been wounded. Will you dare to risk love again? Some of you might say, “Not b…y likely!”

I get it. Healing takes time. And sometimes we need a helping hand to move forwards so we can build the next stage of our life.

In my case, that helping hand was Alan, my life coach.

He enabled me to discover who I really was and, from him, I learned approaches that I use to this day although I have also added my own powerful tools and resources.

This is what I’ve learned:

Pain, if not addressed, can narrow our life, our expectations and options. It can make us fearful of being hurt again.

But we don’t have to stay in this place. With a helping hand we can move on, we can rediscover our self-confidence and sense of self-worth, we can discover how strong we really are and dig deep to find our inner resources.

But, often, we can’t do this alone.

Are you ready to take responsibility for your life and your most important relationship?

Are you willing to find your answers and transform your life?

If so, contact me on or call me on 07903 795027 to arrange a complimentary conversation to explore your options.

With love and gratitude,



P.S.  My third book, ‘Open Your Heart: The 7 Secrets Of Strong And Loving Relationships’ is now on Amazon!

P.P.S. I enable women to build strong and loving relationships, first with themselves and then with others.









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