And the answer to what creates emotional closeness is…

One of the things I continue to notice in my relationship with Paul is the importance of small gestures, the kind that, at first sight appear to be trivial but that, cumulatively, check all the important boxes. These are the gestures that, though small, have an impact which is out of all proportion to the effort it takes to make them.

Here are some examples.

  1. Right now, Paul is in the middle of moving. I’m well aware how stressful moving is even at the best of times so I’ve offered to help over the weekend. I had no idea when I made the suggestion that he had been feeling quite anxious about the move. As it turns out, my practical contribution is minimal but my presence gives him, he tells me more than once, huge emotional support.
  2. When he is in his flat, unpacking, I like to send him a text to let him know I’m thinking of him.
  3. When something happens that makes me feel happy (or sad, excited or disappointed), he’s the first person I turn to.
  4. When something happens that gives him a thrill – I make it clear how delighted I am for him.
  5. When something happens to either one of us that is upsetting or disappointing, we turn to each other knowing we will be listened to.

Individually, each of these gestures may be small but, cumulatively, they set the tone of our relationship.

Each of these gestures requires either one of us to wonder what the other might need and each time we get to know each other better and understand each other more.

This approach builds a strong foundation of care, love and support that is self-perpetuating and creates a virtuous long lasting circle.

All it takes is to pay attention.

With love and gratitude,



P.S.  My third book, ‘Open Your Heart: The 7 Secrets Of Strong And Loving Relationships’ will be launched in the next week or so.

P.P.S.  I enable women build strong and loving relationships, first with themselves and then with others. That’s because your relationship with yourself shapes all your other relationships.

If you’d like to find out how you can do that email me on for a FREE one hour exploratory conversation.


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